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alternatively spelled al-key’blar, and predominantly spelled al keebler by most americans. the elven translation of al-kaebla is ‘the base’. technically speaking, robin cook, the former british foreign secretary from 1997-2001, explained al-kaebla literally means ‘the database’. it was the computer file of the thousands of mujahideen who were recruited and trained by the cia to defeat the soviet union during the 1980’s.

famous al-kaebla members include: fast eddie, who wrapped the products; sam, the peanut b-tter baker; buckets, who threw fudge on the cookies (too much, some criticize); and osama bin cookie monster, who besides eating lots of cookies, is resurrected by the media when the us government needs to scare the american people into submission.

the well-known elvelamist group, created by zbigniew kazimierz brzezinski, when he was the united states national security advisor to president jimmy carter from 1977 to 1981, was and still is a valuable cia -sset, has attacked civilian and military targets in various countries, the most notable being the september 11th attacks in 2001. the official story told by the amerikan government and repeated without error by the mainstream media is: nineteen elvelamist al-keeblers fled their m-ssive network of trees in the deep dark mountains of afghanistan to highjack four amerikan airliners with al-fudge sandwich cookies, escaping amerika’s trillion dollar defense system for hours to hit three of four of their targets – world trade center (wtc) towers 1 and 2, and the pentagon. although three wtc buildings collapsed (1, 2, and 7) on september 11th in the cl-ssical controlled demolition fashion, and yet only two were hit by planes, virtually no one questions the story brought to you by the same folks who told you that a green monkey in the deep dark forests of africa simultaneously infected new york, boston, san francisco, etc, with aids, an immune-suppression leukemia-lymphoma-sarcoma-cancer-complex.
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brzezinski: henry, good pal, i apologize for interrupting your summer vacation, but i need your advice on afghanistan.
kissinger: well ziggy, you’re in luck. i’m sitting here naked in the hot tub ready to -ss-f-ck the sh-t out of george h. w. bush, my gayest ever s-x partner here at bohemian grove. g-orgy’poo has a connection with the afghans. he’ll be glad to help. (1)
bush: h-llo sir. george here. at your service.
brzezinski: bush? i don’t know any bush?
kissinger: sure you do. his initiation -ssignment into our new world order gang was the big event – the advent of black sunshine – our birth.
bush: sir, i -ss-ssinated that anti-cia, anti-federal reserve, anti-elitist piece of filth jfk in ‘63, on the anniversary of the creation of the federal reserve (november 22, 1910), when our nwo founding fathers met at j.p. morgan’s private retreat on jekyll island. may satan rest our founder’s souls! (2)
brzezinski: oh yes. bush is the one more power hungry and psychotic than that drool, nixon – same arrogant claw in his eyes too.
kissinger: well, his father senator prescott ‘hitler’s angel’ bush was nixon’s mentor. if prescott can influence psychopaths like hitler and nixon, he can certainly create one. (3)
bush: guys, still here! i’m hearing all of this.
brzezinski: so george, what is your ‘in’.
bush: a rich saudi family called the bin cookie monsters. their son osama is a blood elf exiled to afghanistan.
brzezinski: what is his war fever?
bush: lukewarm to cold. he’s laid back. loves the p-ssy – yuck! loves to sing, meditate, and praise allah honey.
brzezinski: that’s no good. see, the opium production is down in afghanistan and we can’t afford the cuts after we lost a major supply chain when the ‘nam unfortunately ended. we need a war, a distraction, somewhere h-llish like a vietnam, like afghanistan, so we can covertly produce prolific sums of opium, profits… and as usual, the military transport will provide the logistical means for quite export to the united states. we make the drugs illegal so they’re unreasonably desired and we make the drugs plentiful so the m-sses become direly docile and dysfunctional. the fluoride in the water supply just doesn’t lobotomized enough of these useless eaters. we need every soft kill available. (4)
kissinger: regarding soft kill weapons. i am proud to update you on the special virus cancer program. the 1978 hepat-tis b vaccines were contaminated with the dividends of robert gallow’s immune-suppression leukemia-lymphoma-sarcoma-cancer-complex research. delivery to the gay communities in boston, new york and san francisco were a success. gallow’s virus is being called ‘gay related immune deficiency.’ (lol) one more gun in the belt. but i agree. we need more weapons, more drugs. the people are beginning to wake-up. they’re heavily considering the anti-government candidate ronald reagan. (5)
bush: no worries on the reagan front. i’ve got dirt on that senile fool. worst case, i’ll be his vp and when we win, the network will kill him or alzheimer’s will. either way, i’ll be running the show for the next four-to-sixteen years. (6)
brzezinski: great news. can you setup a meeting with this obama bin cookie monster. i will convince him war is the health of his nation. i will put the ‘fun’ back in ‘fundamentalism’!

(1) bush family fortunes, dvd
(2) jfk ii, dvd
(3) racusin, m.j.”hitler’s angel has 3 millions in n.y. bank”, washington post, july 31, 1941
(4) our own private bin laden , dvd; – american drug war , dvd
(5) emerging viruses:aids and ebola, dvd & book
(6) tarpley, webster and anton chaitkin, “george bush: the unauthorized biography

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“the illegal we do immediately. the unconst-tutional takes a bit longer.” – henry kissinger

“military men are just dumb stupid animals to be used as p-wns in foreign policy.” – henry kissinger

“power will gravitate into the hands of those who control information. our existing inst-tutions will be supplanted by pre-crisis management inst-tutions, the task of which will be to identify in advance likely social crises and to develop programs to cope with them. this will encourage tendencies through the next several decades toward a technotronic era, a dictatorship, leaving even less room for political procedures as we know them. finally, looking ahead to the end of the century, the possibility of biochemical mind control and genetic tinkering with man, including beings which will function like men and reason like them as well, could give rise to some difficult questions.” – zbigniew brzezinski

“let’s forgive the n-z- war criminals.” – george h. w. bush, new york times, april 14, 1990

“sarah, if the american people had ever known the truth about what we bushes have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched.” – george h. w. bush, interview with sarah mcclendon, december, 1992

“claim everything, explain nothing, deny everything.” – sen. prescott bush

“the kennedy -ss-ssination has demonstrated that most of the major events of world significance are masterfully planned and orchestrated by an elite coterie of enormously powerful people who are not of one nation, one ethnic grouping, or one overridingly important business group. they are a power unto themselves for whom those others work. neither is this power elite of recent origin. its roots go deep into the past.” – l. fletcher prouty

“i love talking about the kennedy -ss-ssination. the reason i do is because i’m fascinated by it. i’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.” – bill hicks

“for we are opposed, around the world, by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covert means for expanding its sphere of influence; in infiltration instead of invasion; on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice; on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. it is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific, and political operations. its preparations are concealed not published. its mistakes are buried, not headlined, its dissenters are silenced, not praised; no expenditure is questioned, no rumor is printed, no secret is revealed.” – john f. kennedy

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brzezinski: osama, you’re a proud elvelamist, right?
osama: yes.
brzezinski: our vast intelligence network indicates the soviet union, your domineering neighbor, is poised to invade and disintegrate your nation.
osama: yes, i know this. it was our ‘intelligence’ who informed you of these facts.
brzezinski: are you at all concerned?
osama: any aggression will be blinded by hostility, jealously and sheer ignorance. our mountainous terrain is a deathtrap, a tar pit for invaders and occupiers. no one has ever succeeded. concerning myself with the soviets, is like an eskimo concerning himself with the sun. i have no need to bear arms like an eskimo has no need to sport a bikini. we only get burned if we ignore experience and common sense.
brzezinski: your elvelamist religion calls for a battle, a jihad against infidels. if physical health is not your concern, then how about the spiritual cause?
osama: the greater jihad, or struggle, is for the soul – a harmony, an absolute submission to allah honey, the goal. i have no spiritual cause to accept employment by one group of infidels, to kill another set. if you are looking for war, there is no need to subcontract. just pull the trigger yourself.
brzezinski: to deny this opportunity is a categorically flagrant mistake. you either engage a jihad against the soviets, so we can profiteer on the drug and arms sales, or we kill you, your family and scorch this whole village to dust and then contract option b, the oompa loompas. your choice. should we begin training?
osama: we win this so-called ‘jihad’ and you will require us to battle-on elsewhere. we lose and you get another pack of desert wolves to puppet. where is the choice. you only offer extremism, militancy, isolationism and harshness with no connection to the mercy, tolerance and defined doctrinal constraints of my elvelamist faith. you offer me my death and corruption of my belief system.
brzezinski: death can come tomorrow, or today, regardless. corruption is inevitable on the devil’s playground, this planet. you have one last chance to enjoy crossing my monkey bars with aid.
osama: the blood we spill, all of it, for all events, is on your hands forever. you may seem clean, beautifully painted, but at the core you will always be rotten.
brzezinski: thank you. your cia -sset name will be tom osman. your group will be called al-kaebla, ‘the base’. as with our mission, ‘the base’ has a dual meaning – the foundation and the vile.
osama: your mission statement, not mine!

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“al-qaida, literally “the database”, was originally the computer file of the thousands of mujahideen who were recruited and trained with help from the cia to defeat the russians.” – robin cook, the struggle against terrorism cannot be won by military means, guardian unlimited

“let me put it to you this way. would you rather spend each and every day (as an oompa loompa) dancing around like a clown, singing songs for stuck-up children on a tour of your bosses’ chocolate facility, constantly bending at the knees (ouch, arthritis!), constantly having to wear weird fluorescently-decorated striped m.c. hammer stretch pants, and singing in rhyme… or… would you rather work in a nice little forest (as a keebler elf), in a great house built into a tree (phat, baby!), and come up with great new and exciting ideas for cookies, crackers and other sweet treats which you, yourself, will always get credit for? it breaks down this way. would you rather be a slave or an entrepreneur?” – paul davidson, author of consumer joe