Search

for those in the know, au is the university to find a girl in the dc area worth dating. while georgetown students are busy popping their pink collars, gw students are busy paying for an overpriced education, and catholic students are busy being catholic, american university is an absolute goldmine for intelligent girls (or men, if you swing that way). for people that actually want to make a difference and not just ride daddy’s coattails to a soul-sucking legal/medical profession, au is where it’s at.
g-town girl in a bar: “i’m drinkish beer wit’ a straw. you’re cute!”
me:”i can’t wait for the american university girls to show up.”

(honestly, i wish i could claim that i was making this up.)
a college in north-west washington, dc. known for its excessive political vibe. students here like to:

1.) go to tdr and complain how much they hate it, yet continue to go there.

2.) drunkenly order food from cafe romeo’s, any chinese food (for some reason all the chinese food in dc tastes the same), or if it’s a weekday go to the eagles nest (which is always blaring the best music with its workers and customers dancing).

3.) complain about how much they hate the library.

4.)girls like to complain about how all the good guys are gay.

5.) guys like to complain about how all the girls are ugly.

6.) smoke sh-t loads of cigarettes in la quad.

7.) talk endlessly about sh-t that doesn’t matter, while alienating people that have no interest in their conversation.

8.) live in the berks, which is like the dorms, except the dorms are nicer.
“au… it’s uh… like no other.”
a college of about 6,000 undergrads in nw washington, dc. american is consistently ranked in the top 100 colleges in the united states (currently #85 by u.s. news & world report). it has students from all 50 states and 140 countries. besides george washington university it is the only university in america chartered by an act of congress. you won’t get your typical “college” experience here, as many students are off campus and involved in outside jobs, internships, etc. in the district of columbia. american sports a small, though charming and beautiful, campus. some of the students can be stuck up and talk about how they “got into harvard, georgetown, and columbia, but got a full ride at au”, but overall most of the kids are down to earth and friendly. most everyone’s politically active/knowledgable, and campus life is generally stimulating. it’s a dry campus though, and the ra’s/campus security can get g-d-complexes sometimes, so take a shuttle/10 minute walk to the metro and go to adams morgan or georgetown on weekends. generally though a pretty chill place to go to school.
“dude did you know goldie hawn lost her virginity at american university?”
“wait, what?!”

“why does au campus security have segways now?”
“i dunno, but i mean they’re already packing it on, what good is obese security?”
a good school where kids go to clubs on tuedays and thursdays and frats on fri and sat. the campus is technicly dry but actully is nowhere close. full bars and drugs all over in dorms. great party school in the most powerfull city in the world.
lets go get black out with those sucsefull kids at american university
the “thank you” american university list: part 2

1. thank you au for making me walk by leaking pipe behind mckinley that shoots out mustard gas and makes my eyes burn

2. thank you au for newly installed awning that looks like star trek enterprise loading dock

3. thank you au for investing in $12,000 police tricycles so public safety can get to z-burger more quickly

4. thank you au for letting worthless organizations disrupt lectures so they can tell cl-ss about how to save centipedes in guatemala

5. thank you au for plastic part-tion between boys and girls bathroom so that i can hear girls talking about their sorority little’s while having m-ssive diarrhea

6. thank you au for such thick walls between dorm rooms that let me hear what gay neighbor has to say to his lover over phone

7. thank you au for giving former school president ben ladner a $3.75 million departure package even though he embezzled over a million dollars

8. thank you au for spending money on inflatable playgrounds during spring that continue to only attract ugly girls and gay guys

9. thank you au for making school spirit consist solely of taking pride in tdr holiday meals

10. thank you au for tricking half of student body into thinking they can be president one day
“hey john, have you been to american university this year?”

“yeah i think so, is it the school with a 1940’s bomb shelter as their library?”
the “thank you” american university list

1. thank you au for making me wait 45 minutes for shuttle and additional 30 minutes while driver takes a sh-t

2. thank you au for closing health center on the weekends so i can cough blood in my room without treatment

3. thank you au for building gym as small as possible for 5000 undergrads

4. thank you au for taking jamba juice out and replacing it with pure vida, that really makes f-cking sense

5. thank you au for hiring prison inmates as full time employees

6. thank you au for lying to potential applicants during tours by saying that current au students have rights and influence on school

7. thank you au for having any food vendor on campus open late at night

8. thank you au for signing 16 year contract with “bon appet-te” to give us more moldy bread and 13 different types of potatoes per day

9. thank you au for blackboard which is the f-cking worst system ever created and i am so proud that au alumni created it

10. thank you au for still having school on major holidays like president’s day that makes so much sense considering we are in d.c. and every other school in district has off

au student “hey au, can i set up a lemonade stand outside mgc since its such a hot day?
au admin “sorry kid, american university doesn’t let students do anything unless you fill out these 35 forms and get the signatures of every government official in our administration. we’ll probably get back to you in 5 months with our response. in the meantime, just go to tdr and drink some of our all natural watered down minute-maid lemonade.”
this is the school that costs 40k a year with no benefits.

reasons not to even walk past the school:
1. there is no football. what kind of college doesnt have football?
2. a school that also is cutting half of the sports teams it hsa left.
3. only sports left are soccer and field hockey
4. the only good food is at mcdonalds
5. public safety will try and pull you over, n-body will stop
6. somehow rush hour lasts from 7am all the way til 1040pm when cl-sses end.
7. au is the former drug capital of nw dc.
8. they have gone in the last 10 years from a hot party scene to a drug/alcahol free war zone
9. in 2001 the government raided our private residences and stole all the drugs.
10. we all still do drugs
look on the south side of campus
american university used to be awesome

←