avocado mom
one of the most basic varieties of white mom. the avocado mom names her kids something “unique” like charisma or braxton (but calls a black woman who does the same “ghetto”) and thinks applesauce is too spicy; her favorite hobbies include making dream boards and meeting for brunch with her “girlfriends” (all platonic, this woman is h-m-phobic) to gossip about the new jeggings target just got in stock as she steers the conversation toward her kids, so she can brag about how her four year old son rhombus is a ladies’ man because he high fived a girl at preschool.
not to be confused with a crunchy mom, the avocado mom is a woman whose favorite pastimes include watching hgtv to find diy projects and picking facebook fights with people about breastfeeding and why planned parenthood is bad because she was in a comfortable financial position when she gave birth. she’s a fan of the maury show, as she enjoys watching the less fortunate fight like a modern-era gladiator battle. as she is very unlikely to discipline her kids, the avocado mom is the bane of cashiers and other customers alike. likely has a wooden sign in her home that reads “live laugh love”, or at least has the instructions to make one on her pinterest board.
the only way to actively destroy her is to destroy her $50 lululemon sports bra. this will tear her soul into the uggs pits she came from. otherwise, the avocado mom is invincible until she ends her own social life by selling it works!
“have you heard from rachel since high school?”
“nah man, i had to delete her on facebook for being an avocado mom. i can only take so many tasty network videos, my dude.”
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