badasserarium

any given place where more than one bad-ss can reliably be found. in modern times, this may mean a certain night club, a certain seedy bar, or even any given trailer park – depending on the inhabitants.

historically, this was named after the bad-sserarium in brundisium, a temple erected by emperor nero in the year 55. the original bad-sserarium honored the final, most bad-ss professional fighters left standing after the great gladiatorial g-ngb-ng in july of that year. the survivors of a m-ssive day-long free-for-all initiated with 900 heavily armed and alcoholically lubricated gladiators, these handful were granted the honorific bad-ssissimus, indicating status of an -ss far worse than any other precursors in the field of bad-ssery. enshrined during their lifetimes as living saints of the bad-sserarium, such was their fame that even respectable matrons and virgin girls of brundisium would pay good money to spend fifteen seconds with any one of them, who would bestow his virility and virtue upon them with a falcon punch to the abdomen, leaving them unable to walk – sometimes permanently.

upon being asked by nero whether this was absolutely necessary, the bad-ssissimus responded by roaring incoherently and kicking a watermelon hard enough to orbit the known world twice and decapitate a nearby catamite the following thursday. suetonius translates this to mean: “yes, i am afraid it is.”
“this san francisco restaurant once served lunch to bruce lee, kareem abdul-jabbar, and chuck norris at the same sitting. for the brief duration of that lunch, decades ago, this restaurant was a bad-sserarium.”

“the bad-ssissimus of the bad-sserarium was a bad-ss well known for his consummate bad-ssery.”