barking spider

what farts are blamed on when there is no dog available.
who farted?
dunno, but i think it’s those barking spiders!
a highly elusive nocturnal specie of spider mainly from the tennessee area (also known as the tennessee barking spider). while no live specimens have been caught in order to be studied, this is the only spider known to man with the capability to “bark”. these spiders are attracted by the scent of bratwurst and sourcrout and also been known to emerge on taco tuesdays. while you may not see them, you will hear them and at times feel them scurrying through the couch cusions. they do use a foul odor as a defensive mechanism. beware the silent tennessee barking spider, it is a deadly sub-specie and should be avoided at all costs.
holy sh-t! call pest control. we seem to have an infestation of tennesse barking spiders. i think bill just got hit by a silent one cause i see him convulsing in the corner.
a rare species of spider cl-ssified as flatus-arachnid, more commonly known as the barking spider. dating back to prehistoric times it is the only species of its kind to warn its prey by expelling air from its body, and releasing a nauseous odor. extremely small it likes to hide in tight sp-ces like the pockets on jeans, and interacts, and is -ssociated with most living beings.
dude did you fart? no it’s those d-mn!!! barking spiders.
f-nny burps (syn. – farts)
the common name of a mysterious specie of spider. its full name is the california wood barking spider. known to make appearances after eating bbq’d food and drinking large quant-ties of beer. also very commonly shows up after chinese or mexican food has been ingested. has yet to be seen by any living person, giving rise to the theory that it may in fact be a microscopic specie of spider. scientists can not agree on much, but what they all agree is that this is one creature whose bark is clearly not worse than its bite. and by bite, of course the foul stench that follows the bark is being implied.
person 1: dude, what the h-ll was that? did you just cr-p your pants?

person 2: nah man. it was one of those dang barking spiders.
when one is too embar-ssed to admit that he/she has farted, thus blaming the noise, which closely resembles the noise of flatulence, on barking spiders.
(man in elevator farts)
other man: what the h-ll was that?
man: i dunno. d-mn barking spiders.

guy 1: dude i was on a date and totally ripped -ss.
guy 2: should’ve just told her it was a barking spider.
guy 1: dammit, i didn’t even think of it.
another name for a short yet loud fart
-fart-
guy: d-mn! barking spiders

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