Bass Trombone
the b-ss trombone is a weapon of m-ss destruction that is notable for its ability to destroy entire planets with sheer volume. banned internationally by the geneva convention, it continues to see use via a technicality allowing it to be used as a “musical instrument”. as such, musical ensembles who wish to thin out their audiences or viola sections will hire a b-ss trombonist (one who plays the b-ss trombone).
for a brief period, nasa used b-ss trombones to test sp-cecraft components’ resilience under extreme conditions, but quickly found that the valuable components (along with the surrounding area) would never survive more than a few seconds.
valerie: why are you wearing full body armor to an orchestra concert, terence?
terence: i want to be ready for when the concert hall collapses after the b-ss trombone’s fortissimo p-ssage.
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