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beautiful georgian town situated within a unesco designated area of outstanding natural beauty and site of special scientific interest. the award of such accolades is balanced out by having a population of mendicants who use their giro’s to fund gargantuan drug and alcohol habits.

since the addition of the link road (a39), in 1988, the indigenous folk of bideford are able to leave, in one direction, to the bright lights of barnstaple and, in the other, to other sh-tty, clique redneck villages; such as hartland, a true cultural experience that, funnily enough, is not represented,or recommended, by any form of tourist information.

bidefordians can be identified by lack of teeth, drunken gait, bad tattoo’s, unkept hair, and most under 30’s speak in a jamaican patois and own a staffordshire bull terrier, often referred to as bidiots.
tourist information……bideford…where old hippies go to die…noisily and with very little dignity
a small port town in devon, which boats follow the river down from its mouth and discover a bridge blocking their path. this bridge ensures that many sailors spend their time in the bidefordian pubs.

the town is located in the worst valley in the country, with frequent river floods and annoying hills to climb.

despite it’s annoying location the town has survived to not becoming like their surrounding redneck/incest sister towns and villages, known as hartland, northam, appledore and clovelly.

luckily for bidefordians the town is located near to the busier town of barnstaple where a train station is located.

the bidefordians can then take a train to exeter, and get the h-ll out of devon.

bideford is known for it’s drunks at new years, easter, bonfire night, st georges day, mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays, fridays and sat-rdays.

after feeling like a alcohol god, bidefordians like to take a traditional sunday rest before going out on another p-ss up…

traditional bidefordian people can be recognised by their staffordshire bull terriers, tracksuit bottoms, hoodies, and cigarettes in mouths. they walk very slowly, have a look of gaumlessness, and spend most of their time on street corners. not to be mistaken by zombie prost-tutes.

the less traditional bidefordians have black hair and painted nails… they have an ‘individual’ look about them…traditional bidefordians known these ‘individuals’ as “emos” and is the most commonly used word in bidefordian culture.
dude1: i am going to pick up this zombie prost-tute for us.

dude2: no don’t that prost-tute is from bideford