Billy’s Bolmph-‘Gin
1. short for william taft iv’s do-it-yerself-hand-cranked-bolmph-engine. a mechanical apparatus invented during late 18th century by a southern plantation owner. invention’s whose sole purpose is to stimulate the p-n-s for masturbation. it consists of a wicker chair with an unsanded, unvarnished wooden box or cylinder that could be swiveled in place over the lap. device was operated by a cast iron handle and crank on the right side to create a vibrating motion by turning a number of gears, sprockets and ratchets. later models included a cast iron lever on the left side to simulate a pulling motion on the p-n-s. when first tested by william in 1787 he was killed shortly after, when the lever broke off due to rapid pulling; and he drove several large wooden splinters into his pubic region, which became infected.
no longer in production
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