Boysturiser

1)moisturiser for men is boysturiser. there’s nothing wrong with a bit of moisturiser, but these products earn the term “boysturiser” because of their aggressive packaging. all coloured in various shades of “gun” with a bright trim, as if to say “this is a serious product, it’s dangerous. but not so dangerous that it will burn your face off.it’s safe to use. but only by real men”. males who are concerned about looking “gay” for caring about their skin will purchase boysturiser. men who don’t give a d-mn how people perceive them will either use their partners moisturiser, buy a supermarket own brand, or buy whichever one was closest to them on the shelf at the time. as far as today’s men are concerned, there are those who moisturise, and those who boysturise.

2) men claim to women that they’ve “heard” that s-m-n is good for the skin, in an attempt to have them readily agree to a dose to the face. they say it jokingly, but ever hopefully that the woman will say, “really?? because i’ve tried everything to get rid of this dry skin, but not that. come on then, i want it all over” because of this ridiculous male perpetrated myth, guys across the world are still self advertising the marvellous properties of their own “boysturiser”. with a handy dispenser! just stroke, rub and aim to achieve desired results! satisfaction guaranteed! (note- satisfaction guarantee applies to dispensing party only.)
1) “greg’s just gone and spent £30 on boysturiser, when he could have got the same stuff from asda for £10.”

2) “i thought that the date was going well until he mentioned he had something to help my dry skin problem”

“oh no, did he offer his boysturiser?”

“he sure did. and went home alone, presumably to boysturise his own right hand”