Brighton University

the university of brighton, better known by its official name, brighton polytechnic.

established sometime in the 60’s as a place for dropouts from inferior schools to attend, in order to keep them off the streets. the inst-tution has continued this proud tradition through to this day, offering courses in sleeping, incest and media studies, all worthwhile subjects for a life guaranteed to be funded by state welfare.

around east suss-x and brighton, it is well known as being the establishment to which people not quite smart enough to make it into suss-x university go. it is generally full of people who are so boring to talk to, that people have been known to p-ss out mid-interlocution.

brighton poly students are also known for their permanently high alcohol content, proficiency at activities that involve bouncing various kind of ball, and the universal ability to skin a reefer in under 30seconds.

the entry requirements to the academic world of brighton poly are notoriously low. applicants are not required to have a levels, in part because many of the students are not aware of the existence of letters. applicants merely have to demonstrate that they do not drag their knuckles as they perform locomotive tasks, and proficiency with a cigarette lighter is guaranteed to secure entry.

all three of the brighton poly sites are located in the dodgiest parts of brighton and eastbourne, just where they belong.
“they’re just a polytechnic” sung by suss-x uni students at the back of the bus 25 to taunt brighton university students, in the style of the football chant.