Cactus Jack

mick foley’s alter ego
don’t make me cactus jack your -ss!
the real form of this phrase is similar to a masturbatory experience known as “the stranger” (in which you sit on your hand until it is numb and m-st-rb-t- so that it feels like someone else is doing it)

the only variance is that when doing a “cactus jack” you wait for partial numbness to restore until you feel the “pins and needles” in your hand. you then m-st-rb-t- and it feels like you’re jacking off a real cactus.

other notes: it does not matter much if you reach climax during this as real cacti retain liquid and cannot -rg-sm.

should you jack off a real cactus please seek immediate medical help.
john was giving himself a stranger in the closet when suddenly it turned into a god awful cactus jack situation when the feeling in his hand came back. next time john will sit on both of his hands before an attempt.
there are several definitions floating around out there – but this is an original scenario and should be considered an authentic cactus jack henceforth –
if lonely in the desert, take a small cactus and carefully remove all needles. insert a knife in the bottom and hollow out the pulp. you should now have a flap of cactus skin with a nicely lubricated, aloey, gooey lining. carefully insert two fingers and feel around the inside looking for any “ingrown needles”. once satisfied that your cactus meets all safety requirements, you may proceed to have s-x with it. afterwards, rinse and repeat as desired. the flap will fold easily and can be kept discreetly in your pocket.
when casey was doing infantry training out in the desert, i heard he got lonely in his fighting hole and made himself up a nice little cactus jack for company.
when you shave your p-b-s and wait til you grow back stubble. you then take your significant other’s face and rub it vigorously on the stubble til they get a rash.
dude the girl was a c-ck tease so i gave her a cactus jack.
n. a very mean, hideous individual who will cause you harm if you dont comply with their orders.
dont make me cactus jack your -ss!!!
a very bad masturbatory experience with a cactus & some form of drugs!
who knew a cactus jack would be so painful????
wise guy, ( smart -ss ) everybody needs a little -ss noon likes a smart -ss…

out of my face cactus jack!! you look like a donkey eating cactus!!