Creepy White Guy

that kid that lives in your floor at college that talks to himself, jacks off in the bathroom, brushes his teeth by squirting the toothpaste on the bathroom counter and then dipping his toothbrush in it, washes his hands ever 5 – 15 minutes, thinks everyone’s his friend, and/or bugs the sh-t out of you about random movies that you don’t care about.

the best way to avoid this individual is to just pretend like you’re really busy. however if this encounter is unavoidable, there are ways to get out of the following awkward conversation. the best way is to just say “hey” when he greets you, and then leave wherever you are (it doesn’t matter if you’re about to do your homework, get something to eat, wash your hands, get in the shower, or take a dump) and swiftly return to your room or leave the building altogether. if this individual follows you for whatever reason (typically this will not happen, but there have been rare cases of said creepiness) then the best thing to do in this case is not to go back to your room, but to get yourself into a crowded area, or even a room with a decent amount of people. the result you would be hoping for is him bugging someone else or to just lose him altogether. this will solve about 99% of cases involving you being followed, but if this still doesn’t work, then you only have one option left. keep in mind that is imperative that you lose the creepy white guy before he starts coming onto you (it matters not if you’re male or female, cwg’s are typically omnis-xual). if this happens, you can expect being pursued (however the cwg accomplishes this will vary) for the rest of the year. that last option is to say “hey! is that -insert arbitrary director here-!?” the cwg is a gullible creature, and will more than likely turn around if you are in a place where there’s a lot of people. this moment is crucial, because you need to slip away undetected. luckily for you, this shouldn’t be too hard, because once the cwg thinks a director or even an actor/actress is somewhere within the vicinity, he will relentlessly pursue said person, creeping out all in his path. this should buy you enough time to get the f-ck out of there. upon leaving you must either a) return to your dorm room, lock the door, and stay there for the rest of the day, or b) don’t return to your dorm building at all for the rest of the day. i advise the latter if you can, as the former still carries some risk if the cwg knows where your room is.
creepy white guy – (obsolete to how others feel about him)”what’s up dude”
person a – (feeling really creeped out) “oooookay, (begins to leave the room) ryyyyaaaaaaan!!!”

cwg – “oh dude, have you seen -insert overhyped movie-, it’s so -insert postive adjective-”
person b – (about to wash hands) “oooookay, (halts all activity and begins to leave)…chriiiiissss!!!”