danville

a small city in south central….virginia, that is. population 48,411 and steadily declining, as shown by the us census bureau. danville’s main exports are textiles, tires, syphilis, and babies born to high school mamas.

danville is a melting pot of diversity. there are many ethnic groups in danville, including: illegal immigrants, emo kids, holy rollers, trailer urchins, stereotypical southern rednecks, wannabe gangstas, white wannabe gangstas, and burnouts.

there are only about 4 high schools in the danville/southern pittsylvania county area, and it’s quite possible to determine which high school any given teen attends just by looking at them.

bottom line, danville is an anagram for “evil land.”
when a town didn’t get its first starbucks until 2007, you know it’s a cesspool of economic r-t-rdation…such as danville.

a bridge in danville, va
a rather wealthy city within the 925 area code in the east san francisco bay. it has a population of just over 40,000. the average income is $114,000 a year. within the city is the lavish neighborhood of blackhawk which just happens to house e-40’s new mansion.
who wants to go to danville?
the town that supports the gangsta’ rap industry. populated primarily by upper cl-ss whites who drive late-model german cars.
greenbrooks the toughest neighborhood in danville, mein.
danville is prolly the whitest city in all of ca, and one of the fakest ones, too. you’d be lucky to find 10 black guys in all of san ramon valley. people think they’re ghetto cause they wear bape and raiders sh-t, but they live in million dollar houses and don’t know what anything means, and have their parents give them cars nicer than the teacher’s. if you don’t think you’re ghetto you can try to get into the skating click. just wear a lot of krew and dc and you’re in. you don’t even have to skate, just wear tight jeans and krew, and you’re good. besides that you’ve got the preps, who whine and whine about how spoiled every one else is, while wearing an outfit they’ll never wear again. most people think that new balance and other running shoes are cool, and if you wear a pair of basketball shoes people think it’s wierd. if you need somethin’ to do, you go down to blackhawk or in n out or mcdonalds and get drunk or stoned, and then tell every one about it the next day to seem cool. the high schools are monte vista and san ramon valley, who hate each other for no real reason except they’re in the same city and every one from the other school thinks the people from the other are spoiled, again, while wearing an outfit they’ll never wear again. people’s opinions of ‘hot’ is anorexic, blonde, or both. trying to explain to some one that if a girl isn’t white they can be hot gets you nowhere, because the whole place is that racist. every single person has at least one picture on their phone or camera of them ‘thizzin’ and trying to rep a gang that they have the hand signal for wrong. people say n-gg- every five seconds, even though they’re white, are talking to white people, and are wearing running shoes, a raiders jacket, and american eagle. people only listen to yay-area, and then can’t figure out what ghost ride the whip means. the reason people do this is because e-40 has a mansion here, and they think deep down they have some great connection with him, or that the city must be ghetto since e-40 has a mansion there, which in their mind automatically makes it ghetto because he’s a celebrity. pretty much a r-t-rded city all around.
guy 1: yo bro, where you from?
guy 2: i’m reppin’ d-ville, dawg, yadadamean?
guy 1: danville…ain’t that the place where all the spoiled white kids live?
a relatively large and wealthy town, about 40 minutes east of san fransisco. often referred to as the danville bubble, because its unlike most of the surrounding area. over 40,000 inhabitants, roughly 13 of them are black. a town where literally everyone drives with their headlights on, night or day, rain or shine; many may not even know how to turn their headlights off. one of the preppiest places on earth, but the majority think they are pretty hardcore because of their “jerking” dancing abilities, cars that were nice 10 years ago, use of the word “h-lla” in every sentence and ability to not try in school and get good grades. there are two highschools that hate each other’s guts, for the sole reason that they were best friends when they went to middle school together middle school. roughly 45% of the females in the school are cheerleaders, and about 75% of the males are “jocks” (although by the way, being on the quidditch team does not qualify you as an athlete!). many of the girls act like total sk-nks, but tons are in relationships for years and dont have s-x. also, a disproportional number of mormons and wanna-be christians conclude this unique town, with more strange traditions than you would ever believe.
bro, why are your eyes h-lla blind today?
dude! i just drove through danville and was blinded by all the headlights.
a conservative bush-lovin town in california that would be voted off the island if on “survivor” (if california was an island)

danville stands for:
d- daddy’s got money, mommy’s got booty (after a lot of plastic surgery)
a- -ssholes who pick on poor people and listen to bad music
n- naughty little potheads who watch naughty p-rn after reading their bibles
v- virgins who dress sl-tty (also stands for vain and conceited)
i- intelligence…nonexistant
l- lets go to berkeley, i wished i lived there, it’s such a ghetto–ss town, we can buy cheap weed and go shopping at a thrift store and pretend we’re cool -ss punk rockers
l- lets party and get drunk and do drugs cause we are so godd-mn rich we can’t stand how godd-mn rich we are
e- “evil land” if you switch the letters around

by the way, the cage around the oak tree is there so drunk and stoned teenage drivers in escalades with expensive rims and those stay-at-home soccer moms in suvs don’t knock down the poor misplaced tree
bob downey jr. lives in danville and smokes pot because he thinks danville is soooo boring because he’s never been anywhere else except tahoe on the weekends.
ruby diamonds lives and danville and goes to san ramon, she hopes to keep up her 1.8 so that she could go to dvc, where she’ll hopefully meet a hot rich guy, get married, move back to danville and breed the next generation of dan-villans.
danville is a small town in northern california, about a half hour from oakland/sf. danville children are judgemental and think they’re better than everyone else, and it’s never true. if you aren’t popular in danville, your life will completely suck. teenagers in danville have fun by starting sh-t with eachother, taking pictures 24/7 and putting them on facebook, and pretending they’re happy. no one in danville is really sl-tty, they’re basically all just virgins. no one at either san ramon or monte vista has gotten pregnant, and everyone lies about who they sleep with. in general, the girls who attend san ramon think they’re prettier than they actually are. there are no hot guys at san ramon. everyone says they are open minded, but thats an obvious lie because secretly everyone hates eachother. danville is home to probably the fakest people you will ever meet. to prove that they are cool to others, students will smoke marijuana and play beerpong, and take pictures of all of this to post on facebook. kids in danville are rich, exclusive and self-absorbed…except for del amigo kids, they’re just trash.
keith- i’m goin out with a danville babe!!!
travis- you’re so not getting any.

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