Disasterbate
when you go home alone and go jerk off after an unsuccessful night of hunting sloots. tears may be used as lubricant.
guy #1: did you hook up with jackie last night?
guy #2: no, she was into dylan, so i just went home and disasterbated.
v. the act of maserbating and someone interrupts the act, just at the point of climax but before the actual -j-c-l-t–n, so you have no option but to just put your junk back in you pants and c-m all over the the inside of your shorts.
me: my mom walked in just as i was ejaculating. i had no time to c-m on anything so i just shoved everything back in my pants and came all over myself. what a disaster.
friend: dude, you disasterbated!! hilarious!
in the face of pending doom, man shuns only the quickest and most rewarding of activities. disasterbation describes the carnal quest for the much-coveted preapocalyptic climax.
the second most satisfying of self-pleasuring activities, disasterbation bows only to faux invigordisastpublation–publicly masturbating, with vigor, in antic-p-tion of a miscalculated armageddon.
(see also: d-cksimation, blastpocalypse, c-m bucket list, -n-l-eye-alation, catajysm, catastrofeces, and holocaust-tution)
intellectual 1: “my goodness, intellectual 2, i dare say that, despite having immaculately worded definitions, the examples urbandictionary endorses often seem contrived in nature, unnecessarily abrupt, and leave one with a dearth of expounding information via general scenario, anecdote, or lexicon.”
intellectual 2: “hear hear, intellectual 1! i … oh! gracious, is that an earthquake!?!? … disasterbate!”
to direct more coverage at a disaster than is appropriate or necessary, in an attempt to gain viewers.
man, fox news sure disasterbated 9/11 for all it was worth.
to m-st-rb-t- but fail in the end.
i was c-mming to my little pony when dead horses showed up in my mind. f-cking disasterbated.
to m-st-rb-t- so furiously that one’s p-n-s explodes.
– omfg! he disasterbated himself!
– one time, at band camp, i disasterbated so hard that…
being caught in the act of m-st-rb-t–n.
i was total disasterbation when my parents walked in.
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