douchebaggery in the 1st degree
this is the first, and least offensive, degrees on the scale of douchebaggery in which a person can commit. it’s observed by the violator’s general ignorance to the fact that he/she has even committed such a crime at all. usually the offense is innocent enough in nature, and independent of any other incident(s); perhaps, even the only such occasion that the individual has performed. the litmus test for 1st-degree douchebaggery can be performed by noticing if the individual is instantly self-aware of the incident, and if they are quick to apologize for it.
shrek: “man, jeff bailed on me last weekend when we were supposed to go kayaking. he said he had accidently double-booked himself, and that we could re-schedule. that’s some serious douchebaggery.”
scuff: “hmmm. no man, normally jeff is pretty straight-up about things. i think this is just a simple case of douchebaggery in the 1st degree.”
shrek: “i think you’re right. how findeth the court of public opinion, jeff, on the charge of douchebaggery in the 1st degree?”
bystanders: “guilty!!!”
shrek: “motion carries. sentencing tomorrow at noon.”
note: if the court of public opinion has found the defendant to be guilty of a prior charge of 1st-degree douchebaggery, it may very well be possible that the current charge in question escalates to the next-highest level in magnitude; douchebaggery in the 2nd degree. in addition, the prior conviction also gets elevated to this new, and even more egregious level based on principle alone.
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