Dynasticism

the worship of ville valo, lead singer of him, as lord almighty and ultimate teacher. lauri ylönen of the rasmus is regarded as a jesus-like figure, the son of g-d, or in real life, just a really good friend. aki hakala, also of the rasmus, is lauri’s lover, known as a mary magdalene of sorts. eicca toppinen of apocalyptica is our only prophet, and he wrote the only gospel in our bible (other than the scripts of lauri and valo) which is the gospel according to eicca. saints and revered people include tarja turunen, tuomas holopainen, linde, migé amour, gas lipstick, burton emmerson, perttu kivilaakso, paavo lötjönen, eero heinonen, pauli rantasalmi, siiri nordin and teijo jämsä.

a dynasticist is someone who practices dynasticism. they wear rosaries around their necks as necklaces, and as tributes to the lord valo. they also sometimes wear a tuque or a beanie, as a tribute to valo and to lauri, but this is optional. they also tend to wear a lot of black and say a lot of random things i.e. “margaritas for all!” they are generally very hyper and happy about a lot of silly things, but can experience periods of sporradic depression and emotion, usually cured by a good listen to any of the available religious hymns i.e. in the shadows and your sweet 666. they are easily distinguishable from normal humans by their extremely thick black eyeliner and their random attempts at a finnish accent. the most zealous of dynasticists can be seen in the months of april, october, and november at shopping malls, feverishly looking for the best sales, ranting about having to buy gifts for either laurimas (april 23), akimas (october 28) or villemas (november 22). these are their religious holidays, not unlike the christian christmas (december 25). it is forbidden for dynasticist to exclaim “oh my g-d!” this is heretical. the proper terms are “oh my valo!”, “oh my ville!”, “oh my lauri!” and “oh my finnish gods!” dynasticist extremists have been known to form cults such as: the hm! finnish bittersweet crow orange juice pulp cult, a cult dedicated to the strangeness of the young lauri; and the united republic of the noths an imaginary country in between sweden in finland where all dynasticist dieties live in peace with a few select followers.

dynasticism is named after the dynasty, a collective group of finnish rockers. the original one was formed by the rasmus, killer, and kwan, but has broadened to encorporate other bands such as him, nightwish and apocalyptica.
“dynasticism rules. convert now!”

“a him wallpaper? that’s so dynasticist!”