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east haven is a small town in ct known for its younger population of wannabe gangstas, roid-rage, greasy skin, obsession with the gotti’s, and fleet of suped up honda civics. known in the 70’s and 80’s for its residents camaros, big hair, and non-existent minority population, modern-day east havener’s are either trailer-park momauguinites or sn-bbish foxonites. seniors abound in eh as the old guard of its mafia population is slowly dying off. a p-ss poor youth culture (of roid popping, no-sack guys and whorish girls) dominates eh which boasts of a chili’s, a bowling alley, and a stop and shop as its main attractions. in fact, most easties flee town to do anything involving money (g-d forbid someone in town do well!). and worst of all, the concept “fair fight” is understood by no one – although real fights rarely occur (they are mostly shouting matchings that criticize people’s moms and their cooking/s-xual habits).

in a quick note, east haven’s girls are wh-r-s, guys have no b-lls, seniors control the town from 5am to 11am, and everyone thinks they make the best pasta sauce.
wannabe gangster from eh: let’s do it… meet me at the green in an hour and we’ll settle this.
wannabe gangster 2: fine!

…. later at the green in east haven, with 100’s of civics lining the streets

wannabe 1: you gonna do anything, or are we gonna wait for officer nick to come break this up?
wannabe 2: nah man, you might sue me. besides, it took me an hour to do my hair all gotti like this!
where everyone is italian and knows everyone elses business. you can mlost likely find us at lowes , krawszers, wendys,the pavilion, seawall or a dunkin donuts parking lot. and no matter how much we say we hate our town no one really does.

wat other town has their own christmas song?
east haven kid 1: yo where is everyone goin tonight,.

east haven kid 2: man meet me at d.d. ill be there in like 10 mins then well go chill down at lowes yo.
growing up in east haven in the 1980’s, i can only give a defintion of what it was like in that era: east haven was a great town to grow up in, not much to do, but what town has more than parks, a bowling alley, a beach, and your local burger king, but east haven had some of the hottest girls around, every town has their local wh-r-s, and east haven was no different, with 95% of the population italian, you would be welcome at any one of your friends house on a sunday afternoon for a meal you would be sure to remember, education was not a top priority in east haven, that is why our rumble record is so good, no matter what part of east haven you are referring to…momauguin or main street or foxon, we were unstopable against surrounding cities, branford, new haven, west haven, wherever, it didn’t matter because east haven had some of the toughest kids around, if we weren’t hanging around and getting in trouble we were working out and messing around with our dirt bikes. to sum it up; east haven is known for italian families who respect one another, excellent pizza and subs, friends that you make in east haven, you will have for a life time, and lastly…beautiful women.
east haven in the 1980’s.
a land made of marsh mellows and milkduds. the weather is always sunny unless its raining or cloudy. rape happens here often but thats ok bc most of the animals enjoy it. the town is ran by two zebras in rain coats but they hate each other so there always fighting over their bank accounts.
east haven town hall

zebra 1: hey rocky, hows your bank account

zebra 2: ayy ohh ayy, why do u care?

zebra 1: im just asking, why do you have to be a wise guy ahhh.

zebra 2: ayyyy!!

zebra 1: ayyyy!!
a town that everybody hates on. most are jealous because you have no sense of style and your mother doesn’t love you. contrary to popular belief, not everyone in this town acts italian (although who can blame them because italians are awesome.) the blowout, originated in north branford, do your homework. if you’re going to insult us do it properly.

hanging out a club d&d or lowes is always better than loitering around a house like a bunch of porch monkeys (i.e. fair haven, new haven etc.) we spend money, because, shockingly, we have it.

does your town have an amazing soda company? does it have it’s own christmas song? hi hater.

and please, it’s east haven. if you’re not from here, you’re not allowed to call it staven!

it’s only okay when you talk ish about it when you live here.
north branford goon 1: what are we doing tonight?
north branford goon 2: i don’t know, call some people from east haven.

sleazy haven, staven, e staven, easy haven
a small town with nothing at all to do where pretty much every girl is a pig and has at least slept with have of the guys and given roughly a dozen bl-wj-bs.. and there are at least two girls you know or heard of that have gotten double teamed or had a train ran on them.. lets not forget the honda civics and cl-ssic blowout.. also everyone is in everyones business and everyone has slept with and traded boyfriends/girlfriends.. every person has at least done one drug and nowadays the entire eh population has been overrun by perc 30s.. aka beans.. in other words.. east haven sucks mamaugin is full of white trash junkies and foxon thinks they are gods gift to the world when in reality they are just as bad as mamaugin with more money.. and oh yea. north branford is wannabe east haven which i cant understand why.. and o yea,, hows ya zole
east haven kid 1 – yo who got beans
eh kid 2 – idk which one of the 20 ppl that have them did u call yet?
east haven is a little town that is a suburb of new haven. east haven may seem like a heavy populated italian town, but a lot of the people from east haven are wannabe guidos with there blowouts and armani exchange shirts when they are really like polish. this high school’s football team is pathetic even though there players think they are hot sh-t when they are little, not athletic guinneys who use football for another reason to tell girls on mysp-ce how cool they are. speaking of mysp-ce, mysp-ce is the center of some easties. whether its the flashing famous stars and straps backrounds or the dior backround they love how they look on mysp-ce. easties take an average of 3.8 mysp-ce profiles pictures a day with quotes saying something about how cool they are. the easties try to act ghetto with the whole “don’t hate on me”, when they dont understand that no one cares about them or there life. east haven nights usually consists of “the crew hitting up the bowling alley” or “the gang chillen at the movies”. along with hitting up the movies the crew might drink some bud lights or smoke a doobie and think they are bad-sses. well thats a wrap on the pathetic east haven life
east haven teenager: hey baby, you wanna chill?

girl: uhmm i will chill with you once you take some of that makeup off and some of that gell out of your hair because im afraid to get stabbed with your blowout.

eastie: fine b-tch i’ll just some some more weed wit my crew you.

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