Edward Longshanks
edward i (17 june 1239 – 7 july 1307), popularly known as longshanks, thanks to mel gibson’s “braveheart”. longshanks achieved historical fame as the whitest brit to conquer the sh-t out of parts of wales and almost succeeded in f-cking everyone over in scotland. but when that pr-ck finally kicked the bucket his queer son edward ii took the throne and just took it right in the -ss and failed to do anything to those lovable scots. longshanks reigned for a long -ss time because he was an evil b-st-rd and everyone knows those f-cks live forever.
edward longshanks probably wanted to bang that french princess that his son didn’t like because she didn’t have a p-n-s.
even though you’re the prince of darkness you’re still no longshanks.
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