Emo Pirate

a pirate who doesn’t rape and pillage but rather cries alone in the middle of his “ocean of sorrows” about not being able to find his pirate queen.
“dude, did that pirate look gay to you?”
“nah man, he’s just an emo pirate”
a phrase popularized by the corner pocket webcomic community. an emo pirate is usually a teenager with the oh-so-unique “mysp-ce” haircut – black and blue/red, slathered over one eye like an eyepatch. according to the experts, true emo pirates use kraken ink to get the eyepatch just right.

one can immediately identify an emo pirate captain by the presence of more makeup and tighter pants than the other males. legendary captains like sadbeard and jack scarrow have been known to possess the infamous “double eyepatch,” where both eyes are completely covered.

if one is confronted by an emo pirate, the best choice of action is to direct a can of bear spray into the bare eye. in the event of being out of bear spray, simply scream “yarr, matey!,” and run.
emo pirate: “hey, has anyone seen my hawthorne heights alb-m? i need to cut myself with it.”

normal individual: “yarr, matey!”
it’s a pirate that can’t afford an eye patch so he wears his bangs like emo to cover the area of his face where the missing eye is.

unlike emos, these pirates would cut other people, not themselves.
d-mn i lost my eye patch in the last attack. i’m an emo pirate now.
emo pirates are the kind of emo (a race of man with no t-st-cl-s due to lack of growing room in skinny jeans) who are so cheap that they can’t even afford a single legit copy of a cd.

this race extension of emo often go to private schools and have rich parents, but love to believe that they are worse off, so get depressed for no reason and download cr-p music of the internet.

these individuals download pirate copies of songs by various different un-tallented hardcore bands (of co-rs- only a couple of songs from one alb-m) and consider themselves hardcore fans of these bands.
emo pirate 1: hey i’ve got heaps of money
emo pirate 2: well lets go spend it on jelly bellies and then download some music.
emo pirate 1: wow! thats a great idea. lets listen to -emily by from first to last- for the 8999th time while we do it.
emo pirate 2:great idea, we can do it on my new 5000 dollar computer.
the mortal enemy of the emo ninja. this conflict can never be solved, but unlike with real pirates vs ninja battles, emo pirates and emo ninja will occasionally start snogging to call more attention to themselves.
emo ninja: -sniffle- oh emo pirate, my ninjaish girlfriend broke up with me and i can’t find my shuriken so i can’t cut my wrist!
emo pirate: awww, it’s okay emo ninja! you can borrow my cutl-ss and pretend suicide and then we can snog and completely undermine the great conflict of pirates vs ninja!
emo ninja: yay!!!
this most awsome person ever , stephanie