Emporia State University

a university placed precisely in the middle of topeka, wichita, and kansas city, and arguably placed in the most depressing middle of nowhere concocted by man.

the town of emporia is home to emporia state university, which is very presentable yet totally devoid of any intellectual activity, much like a norman rockwell painting. the academic atmosphere at esu is comparable to a lecture on semantics given by the little rascals; the educators’ hearts are in the right place, but the inept-tude of the majority of the instructors is only eclipsed by the worthlessness of the degrees they churn out.

every year, emporia graduates many of our nation’s educators, but they have recently removed history as a general education requirement. sadly, it was not as bad as keeping the program; in all seriousness, there is a gen ed history cl-ss in which the sole text is wikipedia. though history was only a recent nix from the curriculum, it seems critical thought and standards must have been scrubbed a decade or so ago.

emporia is not the most backwoods thing about kansas, placing a distant to the world’s largest ball of twine in c-wker city. if there were a nuclear holocaust, and larry the cable guy were the only male left to repopulate the human race, the first post-apocalyptic settlement would look exactly like emporia. it’s a town of self-important dullards swimming about in earth’s most boring fishbowl.
“where did you get your degree?”

“emporia state university.”

“oh, so what do you do now?”

“wish i hadn’t wasted twenty grand and four years of my life.”