five, four, and a door


a residential pile of vomit known as a ‘colonial-style’ house, characterised by vinyl siding, paste-on shutters, and gypsum board covering every interior wall and ceiling.

named for the five windows on the second floor, and centered main entry door flanked by two windows on either side. often, they are accompanied by a paste-on two-car garage which serves as the real main entry door for the house, even though the gas-guzzling soccer-mom-mobile known as an expedition or escalade is too big to fit inside.

the cancerous sprawling suburbs of northern virginia (nova) are the five, four, and a door capital of the world.

the arch-nemesis of architecture.
the domicile of yuppies.
the telltale sign of facadomy at work.
if i see one more development spring up full of five, four, and a doors, i’m going to slit my wrists with my drafting triangle and shove my comp-ss into my eye.

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