Footupass

a rare, yet contagious disease.
small outbreaks are common among groups of people that tend to p-ss each other off.
for this to occur, the conditions must be just right; one individual must be angry and have access to a foot of some sort, and another individual is to be unaware.

when the footup-ss is committed, the angry person must kick his foot (as if to kick a ball) up into the rectal column of the unaware individual. this will spring a fight, and more footup-ss may occur.

consequences may include bleeding, broken ankles, necks, pelvises.
the only known cure for this is a form of native american tribal dance, but that secret died with the last pope.

footup-ss is to be blamed for more deaths per year than for forklift-related accidents.(circa 1992)

-surgeon general’s warning: according to the state of california, footup-ss may cause cancer in pregnant women and children under the age of two.
johnny b. goodwell, of delaware, died last week of the first reported case of footup-ss in the north american continent since the early 1900’s. scientists fear that this disease may have made the leap from south africa to here. more coverage is to follow.
-washington post, january 23rd, 2008.