Funnel Vision


a medical condition characterized by crossed eyes, nausea, uncontrollable growth of -ss-hair, and in severe cases, projectile vomiting, uncontrolled diarrhea and a persistent vegetative state. it is caused by overexposure to the blue funnel video.

it’s rapid, virus-like spread through the iraq theater of operations is causing entire units to be combat ineffective. these crippled units are being re-deployed from iraq under the guise of the drawdown of us “surge” forces.

the condition is preventable and can be cured with m-ssive doses of good p-rn with actual hot chicks who know how to give a bl-wj-b.
private: “sarge! jones is sh-tting and puking all over himself in his bunk!!!!”

sarge: “sh-t!! get me a dvd over here starring tera patrick and sky lopez now!”

private: “should i call the medics?”

sarge: “no time. jones’ case of funnel vision is one of the worst i’ve seen. he was a d-mn good man. you and me are the only ones left, private. we need to stop the spread of that video; the worst p-rno of all time.”

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