Ganitis

the disease that results from the contraction of the staphylococcus shigellosis microorganism. aka post-gan syndrome (pgs). it is caused by poo-to-mouth contact, and is commonly found in chinese take-out joints all over manhattan and sheisty queens (see: dougie’s).

today in the united states, it is commonly referred to as klein’s disorder, after the famed early 21st century amateur biologist, who first identified the microbe and the scourge -ssociated with it- the hard way.

ganitis is often accompanied by extreme diarrhea whose hallmark is a velevetty consistency with a hue that can range from khaki to deep purple. generally, the bouquet of ganitis, although very much present, varies widely and is as yet unpredictable. as a result, most modern healthcare professionals strongly prefer to ignore the aroma and instead rely heavily on the viscosity and shade of the poo when recommending a treatment.

usually, treatment consists of bed rest and drinking plenty of fresh water to avoid dehydration. dookage, however, remains the most important ritual of the recovery process. many sufferers find that watching good television programs, like tcap or dog whisperer, can ease the rehabilitation. generally, one does not develop immunity after p-ssing ganitis. many rookies, making this mistake, quickly learn that if you are ordering the gan, klein’s should be considered a foregone conclusion.

klein’s is spread by contaminated water and food, and can cause the most severe dysentery because of its potent and deadly shiga toxin.
ariel: i have after-the-gan. got it bad.

me: mother-of-christ. it seems to be a cl-ssic case of ganitis.