gristmas
an very creepy holiday. often occurring, but not limited to, around christmas.
if you’re having a good christmas, but then a creeper comes/c-ms on to you, then your christmas becomes a gristmas.
a true christmas nightmare. like “the nightmare before christmas,” except wayyy scarier and without the cool soundtrack. (the only noise you will hear is the sound a gristy guy makes jerking off in a public restroom).
if someone starts gristing (creeper texting) you on christmas
newly-wed woman: i was having the best christmas ever with those new handcuffs my husband got me!! …. but then this f-cking gristy douche randomly showed up and f-cked my husband. f-cking worst gristmas ever!!!
s-xually har-ssed man: dude, that guy keeps offering to send me gift cards for christmas. i think he just wants to get in my pants.
friend: dude, just take one in the -ss for the 30$ gift card. especially if it’s the candy cane edition. have a merry gristmas bro.
s-xually har-ssed man: ha ha, funny, go jerk off in public you grist monger
gristy dude (to another guy): hey, can i give you a few gift cards? i really want you to have a special christmas.
guy: omg no! cuz then it wouldn’t be christmas anymore–it would be gristmas!!
gristy dude: oh sorry. hey do you want the gift card with the gingerbread man, the candy cane, or the snowman? also, i need you to come visit me on vacation in hawaii. i’ve got a candy cane to put in your small, brown stocking 😉
guy: ……. -jaw drops to floor-…….
x rated section of story: gristy dude shoves p-n-s in guy’s mouth while guy’s jaw dropped to the floor in disbelief. gristy dude finishes, and wishes him a merry gristmas.
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