Henry VIII

(1491-1547) a king of england who began as a handsome, sweet-natured prince and became a fat, bloated, lecherous, ruthless, narcissistic tyrant whose split from the catholic faith to divorce his first wife and marry his second can be felt today.
he married six times, first to katherine of aragon (divorced), then to anne boleyn (beheaded), then to jane seymour (died), then to anne of cleves (divorced), then to katherine howard (beheaded), and finally to katherine parr (survived).
to his credit, he legitimized the crown after decades of the war of the roses (warring between the two branches of the royal family), but he is remembered today for his lechery and for abusing his wives and his two daughters in a futile effort for a healthy son; only his daughter elizabeth i would be his saving grace.
after the death of jane seymour from childbirth, a new wife was sought for henry viii, reaching across europe, but his reputation preceded him; he chose 16-year-old christina of milan first, but the widowed d-ch-ss (a great-niece of katherine of aragon) refused, saying that she would be happy to marry him if she had two heads. henry next chose marie de guise, another young widow, since “as a big man he needed a big wife”; she rejected his offer and quipped that she may have been a big woman but she had a very little neck (in reference to anne boleyn) and she wasted little time in marrying henry’s nephew, james v of scotland. anne of cleves became the first pick as other candidates made excuses or married.
henry viii seemed to have a liking for redheads named katherine, since he married three such women.

messenger: (to a group of young n-blewomen) “his royal majesty henry viii seeketh another wife.”
young n-blewomen: (screaming in horror and stampeding)
henry viii was a king of england in the 16th century and head of the church of england. he had 6 wives: katherine of aragon, anne boleyn, jane seymour, anne of cleves, kathryn howard, and catherine parr.
he called jane seymour his “true wife” because she was the only one to give him a son (edward vi)
anne boleyn and kathryn howard were beheaded for treason
katherine of aragon and anne of cleves were divorced.
catherine parr was widowed and went on to marry thomas seymour.
shania: how many wives has that guy had?
anna: i don’t know. he’s a total henry viii
the art of cuttin off the head when takin a photo.
wow man this hot babe sent me a great pic of her rack but its totally henry viii.

i cant believe its henry viii, but wow those t-ssles look good….
the greatest pimp of all time.
“he may be a pretty bad-ss pimp, but he has nothing on henry viii.”

“when he was done with his hoes, henry viii did more than just b-tch slap them: he b-tch decapitated them! what a pimp!”
an eighth of an ounce of cannabis.
stoner: have you got a henry viii?
dealer:yeah man. 20 a bag
king of england. he is known for marrying seven women. two of which were beheaded for a variety of reasons. he also attempted to remove the catholic church from england through widespread destruction, looting and executions. the greatest threat to his rule was a revolt know as “the pilgrimage of grace” who were led by robert aske. due to henry viii’s ruthlessness and powers of deception the ringleaders were eventually rounded up and executed.
won the battle of the spurs against the french and declared “defender of the faith” by the pope, a t-tle that monarchs in england still hold to this day.
he is remembered as a tyrant but arguably did much to add legitimacy to the crown after years of bl–dy civil war between the lancastrians and the yorkists.
henry viii was the king of england.

henry viii created the church of england.

henry viii was a strong, yet murderous, ruler.