Jamesernaut
closely related to humans, this beast is believed to descend from a cross between apes and some form of yeti. it has an insatiable l-st for women and food, and is known to consume enough alcohol to tranquilize a rhinoceros. it has unpredictable behavior and has never been captured on film, due to the fact that it eats any nature doc-mentary personnel on sight. if ever in contact with one of these creatures, one is advised to exercise extreme caution. slowly backing away may work, but due to the jamesernaut’s unpredictability, it may leave p-sser-bys alone, or attack them viciously with no remorse, and has been known to kill for sport rather than food. any sudden movements can be highly dangerous. it has displayed acts of endearing loyalty towards family members and those who qualify as non-threatening. its loyalty does allow for superb wingmanship, as it has no biased towards a female’s negative qualities. jamesernaut does not call back. rumors say that if an acceptable gift is offered to the beast, it will rescind its hostility and allow for a safe retreat. alcohol seems to work the best, however, it increases chaotic thoughts in the beast’s mind and the possibility of an attack presents itself. there is no guarantee. jamesernaut is listed under the top ten animals to just stay the f-ck away from at all costs.
“what’s that sound?”
“i dunno….let’s get outta here.”
“oh sh-t its the jamesernaut!”
“wow this is good beer.”
“h-ll yeah man, not that expensive either.”
“what’s rustling in that tree?”
“holy f-ck what is that?!?”
“i dunno, just give it something!”
“umm…here, take this beer.”
“dude let’s just go while it’s distracted.”
“h-ll yeah f-ck this!”
“wow those chicks are hot.”
“yeah but they brought their fat friend.”
“d-mn it. i know!…jamesernaut!”
“right! hey! jamesernaut!”
“awesome we are in business.”
a big scary f-cker that consumes inhuman amounts of food and alcohol. sightings have been recorded since the mid 80’s, and daddys are warned to hide their daughters…..or their wives.
the jamesernaut is one scary f-ckin guy!
oh sh-t the jamesernaut!!!
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