Jerry Jones

owner and gm of the dallas cowboys. also believes himself to be g-d.

does a “fantabulous” job at -ssembling teams made up of felons, thugs, mercenaries, crack addicts, ex-cons and the like. however, doesn’t do so well when it comes to -ssembling teams that succeed.

recently opened a new cowboys stadium to try and divert attention away from the fact that the team hasn’t been able to win one single playoff game in thirteen years. so far it’s worked as the most gullible, inbred, illiterate, and intoxicated people you’d ever meet (aka cowboys fans), remain firm in their belief that “this season will be the one!”

hobbies: undermining his head coach’s authority, buying things so people will like him (but profiting at the same time), receiving plastic surgery, fixing nfl schedules, being seen on the sidelines with terrell owens to show he’s “down with the bruthas!”

best known for: giving away high draft picks and then shopping at nearby dallas county jail to fill out the roster.
typical cowboy fan #1: you see dat dem goat over there? boy i’d love to $%&- it good! whoo-ee!

typical cowboy fan #2: shucks, dat ain’t no goat! it’s jerry jones!

typical coyboy fan #1: oh. well ne’rmind then.
the owner of the dallas cowboys who has had success in the past but his team lately has been… less that average…
thinks he can merely “buy” a superbowl team
and who makes poor decisions in trades jumps on to big named players nuts and holds tight –
jerry jones: omg a talented wide reciever whos overzealous tears his teams apart betrays everyone and has a big ego lets grabe em! – terrel owens –
jerry jones: omg a corner who runs a 4.3 and has a “spectacular” 4 interceptions in his 4 year career is known for violence and averages 3 yards a punt return! lets grab em! – pacman jones –
jerry jones: omg the fastest defensive tackle in the nfl with below average strength and thretens police officers on occasion whos also an allegid drug lord! lets grab em! – tank johnson –
jerry jones: omg a 6’4 reciever who consistantly gets 1000 yards a season even though he plays on the worst teams in the nfl and runs linebacker 40 (4.8) lets grab em!