Johnny’s Angels

obsessive, psychotic fans of figure skating famewh-r- johnny weir. known for pretty much sacrificing all things normal in life to follow johnny’s skating career, including their jobs, relationships and even personal hygiene. some travel to wherever he is scheduled to appear. they also come in all nationalities. given the chance, they most threads on internet skating forums regardless if the topic is about johnny or not – they will make it about johnny. no criticism of him is tolerated, constructive or otherwise. even if johnny is in the wrong, and he has been more often than not, they will find a way to justify it. if you want to p-ss one off, tell them that it was good that johnny didn’t medal in the two winter games he competed in. it is like kicking a hive of african bees. usually congregated around someone’s computer, trolling on a skating forum, or at a local tgifriday’s, ordering double everything. do not sit near them if you want to enjoy your meal. if you want to catch one and examine it, use entenmann’s cheesecake and a large bear trap.
todd: i hate johnny weir and am so glad he didn’t win an olympic medal.
heather: you miserable sonfab-tch! how dare you talk about johnny that way!!! (heather grabs todd by the head, slamming it into the wall several times until he falls into a heap on the floor.
todd (dying, blood oozing from his ears and head): wow, you must be one of johnny’s angels!
heather: d-mn straight, motherf-cker! (kicks todd in his wounded head before he dies).