JPM

according to their website, “jpm international ltd (a sega company) has ‘invented, developed and marketed microprocessor enabled pay to play games that give the chance of a reward’ for over 30 years.”

these words could not be truer.

jpm manufacture a wide range of games for play in places such as public houses and bars. these games do indeed entice punters with a “reward”, usually a tiered -ssortment of cash prizes, awarded on a basis of the player’s ability at said game, and only requiring the player to part with a simple 50 pence coin. such games can be found on machines ranging from a simple “who wants to be a millionaire?” or “weakest link” machine, to the full-blown “it-box”, from which one can, in addition to playing the aforementioned games, buy ringtones, send emails, and benefit from the delights of a wide selection of additional games.

but the jpm logo emblazoned on a machine means a lot more than just a few electronic games.

jpm is what makes the difference between a good night at the pub, and a great night at the pub. it is what bonds friends in the brotherhood of knowledge. how better to spend a night in your local than to begin with some pints and some banter, then to embark upon a thorough test of one’s knowledge? man was made to stand around a quiz machine with his mates, feeling the tension rise with each sequential correct answer, confidently jabbing at the correct answer when he sees it, and occasionally crying “good knowledge” when he is particularly impressed with one of his peers’ apt-tude. he is thoroughly excited when the £1 cash prize is reached, and in a rush of confidence, hits the ‘continue’ b-tton. when, at this crucial stage, a member of the team hits the wrong answer, the crowd will remark to that member ‘bad skills’ or ‘f-unlucky’, whichever is more appropriate in the situation.

playing a jpm game is not about the ‘chance of a reward’. the cash reward offered by the machine is a gimmick for those who want to give the game some purpose. the real reward is the good times one has, the true closeness that that group of friends will then be able to enjoy, that lovely feeling when one’s wallet is so much lighter.
1. (evening) dude, shall we test our knowledge on jpm’s who wants to be a millionaire ™ ?

2. (next day) man, last night jpm rinsed me for all i was worth. that’s the end of my overdraft.
just p-ssed myself
i just learned lesson 1. jpm!!!!
jewish pms. also stands for pre-matzah-syndrome
lacey mark is so jpmsing