King of Crunk

a false-t-tle often applied by a previously suppressed high school senior to himself– under the hot sun and rum-influence of spring break– following his first s-xual experience.

newly self-appointed “kings” tend to constantly remind others of their status, take off their shirts, use terminology they’ve heard in rap songs, act drunker than they are, and hump everything in sight without regard for attractiveness or gender. though these symptoms continue well after spring break, by the end of the vacation most “kings” will either have gotten their -sses enthusiastically kicked or have enthusiastically thumbed another guy’s -ss in a club believing that they have “fingerbombed” a bombsh-ll. other side effects include increased attentiveness to middle school girls, sh-t-eating grins, and a veritable flood of brainless nicknames and related wordplay.
“make way for the imperial king of crunk!”

“the king of crunk’s scepter is pale and shriveled.”
a term applied to a spring breaker by a fellow spring breaker, under the heavy influence of rum and vodka. funny at the time as a joke, the term is often taken a bit too seriously by individuals who still use it to insult the spring breaker in question 12 months later.

generally speaking, the person dubbed “king of crunk” does not actually believe he can drink more than anyone else, although he admittedly is attracted to middle school girls. moreover, the person jokingly dubbed king of crunk will often sit and ponder why individuals spend thursday evenings dwelling on spring break rather than going out and–yes–getting crunked.
last night i stayed in and thought about the ridiculousness of the term “king of crunk” instead of doing something productive.