lapdog

a suck up, -ss kisser, brown noser
the boss likes joe but he’s such a lapdog.
a person who is subservient brown noser to an organizational superior; someone who obediently follows authority figures without regard for their own interests or principles.
from the musical “rent”, when maureen describes benny:

then a little bulldog entered. his name, we have learned, was benny. and although he once had principles, he abandoned them to live as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution.
a person with no real independent personality, only adoration for his or her significant other.
have you met steve’s new girlfriend? she’s such a lapdog, all she does is shrug when you ask her a question, and then laugh at all of steve’s jokes.
very large, often enormous natural b–bies, that upon releasing from the bra sustaining them fall in the lap of their owner. although they are similar to funbags and sweatercows, they are usually distinctly larger and may share a unique purpose.

lap dogs may be used to:

a. keep one’s lap warm on those cold winter nights.
b. a pillow.(when tossed over one’s shoulder)
c. musical instruments. when lifted up and allowed to slap down on the dinner table. can be used in a dinner time orchestra along with the silverware drums and wine gl-ss whistling.
d. weapons.(simply release and rotate torso, preferably with the enemy’s face at chest level; when you here “slaaap!!!” followed by a thud the maneuver has been performed successfully.
e. motorboating. (hey maybe it’s not unique, but who could resist?)
1. hey natalia, i’m tired and there’s no pillows on this couch. could you lend me one of your lap dogs?

2. listen susie, i’m trying to make serious music here. forget more cowbell, i wanna here more lap dogs or i’m kicking you out the band!
a flattering subservient, eager sycophant
he’s no oil industry lapdog, believe me.
a small pet, usually adorable
did you see my teacup poodle, schnookyums? cutest lapdog ever!
a woman who follows a man she loves around. she lives for a positive words from him. the guy is not attracted to the woman at all. behind her back he will proclaim how inadequate she is, but he likes having something around that worships him. whenever he calls, she comes. they spend hours or days together. he is fine with using her. beastly woman. usually educated, foreign, with access to lots of money and/or drugs.
1. “hey, i want you to go to the beach with us but leave your lap dog at home.”

2. she’s a b-tterface and deformed, but she is always giving me money and introducing me to rich people.

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