loan officer

1.) a high-school educated former copier or used car salesman who figured out that he could make money for doing very little by acting as a middleman between banks and even less educated customers (borrowers). he or she drives a porche or bmw, but its leased just like his house. borrowers will fight tooth and nail over their proposed 1% fee for 2 weeks to a month worth of effort, but have no problem paying their real estate agent 3% for a couple days of local driving and filling out boilerplate forms.

2.) scapegoats for the major banks and wall street money men who actually create the loan programs costing people their homes that you see on tv.

you can find a lo at nearly any after-hour event that contains any two of the following: alcohol, sl-ts, cocaine, las vegas, suckers, bluetooth headsets, yachts, any aspect of society emphasizing appearance over substance.
even though my local bank branch laughed at me when i asked them, my loan officer buddy joe was able to get me into a new $800 grand house despite the fact that i have no job, no savings to use as a down payment, my fico score is negative, i’m on several mandatory s-x offender lists, and he knows i plan to cook meth in the garage. but joe’s a f-cking douchebag because it turns out he made almost $500 dollars off me.
4 more definitions
works for a mortgage company
i great guy who gets screwed by jack-ss customers over 500 dollar fees, which he gets half of in commision and no base salary. real estate agents hate them. see real estate agents for complete rant about how much peices of cr-p they are.
i, mr loan officer, made 300 bucks and forgot to charge the fee, and customer told me to go to h-ll and laughed. all this after a months worth of work.
a guy who gets frequently turned down for dates, then watches the girl hit it off with a more popular guy
“d-mn, lost another loan to ditech!”
a person who’ll gladly take advantage of newbies to the mortgage process.
will be really nice during the paper process and f-ck you hard when you’re pressured to sign on the dotted line at closing. later to drive away in the $80k bmw in the parking lot. (they take lessons from insurance brokers).
“sure we can give you a 5%, 30 year loan with no points or closing cost” …”oh the apr?…it’s only 6.75%, don’t bother with that number, it’s too confusing”