loaster


a device used to enhance feminine decollatage. originally from sweden and a favorite among celebrities, including jennifer lopez when she wore her infamous green scarf-dress, the loaster was introduced to a wider audience on an episode of oprah’s favorite things. one audience member had to be hosipitalized in the ensuing frenzy. the loaster is manufactured by promessa organic using a patented microfiber inspired by the silk of the hobo spider tegenaria agrestis.
“i have been saving up for a loaster for months! prom’s coming up and these b–bies need to look their best!”

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