Lorenzo Von Matterhorn
lorenzo von matterhorn was born in switzerland in the spring of 1974. he was placed in a basket and tossed into a river immediately following his birth. after traveling downstream for miles, he was found by a young milanese woman who raised him, naming his lorenzo after her father, and von matterhorn to reflect his swiss heritage.
lorenzo was diagnosed with a condition called phallumegally (bigness of p-n-s) at a young age. he grew up unable to ride a bike or feel comfortable in a locker room or a regular pair of shorts. he has applied for p-n-s reduction surgery many times, but the doctors have said that, sadly, that is not an option.
he is the founder of von matterhorn industries international unlimited global inc., or vmiiugi, and was once named billionaire of the week by big business journal.
see the lorenzo von matterhorn.
by pretending to be lorenzo von matterhorn, barney managed to convince a woman to sleep with him.
from the playbook written by barney stinson.
an alternate personality of barny stinson (how i met your mother) that helps him become a (fake) world renowned billionaire.
yo you see barny go all lorenzo von matterhorn on dat girl?
a play to run on girls to get the business.
1st: have an ability in website design and think of a unique fake name. have you got yours? good!
now when you get to the bar look for a girl with a really nice phone. approach her with confidence and repeat your fake name often. now when you leave she will go on her phone and do an internet search of you, where she’ll see……
a series of fake websites talking about your many feats in being a billionaire, global balloon trekker, and being told by doctors that p-n-s reduction surgery isn’t an option.
give her some time then approach her again and ask if she would like to have coffee.
the lorenzo von matterhorn works!
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