Lowes Island
a neighbourhood in sterling va that likes to think it is part of great falls despite the fact that great falls is in a different county. residents of lowes island will tell you that they live in “potomac falls”, as they think sterling is a ghetto. although real ghettos do not have ferrari, lamborghini, or maserati dealerships, sterling has all three, as well as a nordstrom and a wegmans. it is likely that lowes islanders do not want you to know they live in sterling because the aol national headquarters are there.
in 2008, donald trump purchased the lowes island golf club, this inspired every single lowes islander to buy a golf cart. loudoun county got tired of lowes island’s superiority complex and redistricted their high school students into the same school as the kids from sugarland run, the poorest neighbourhood in loudoun county. in lowes island’s attempt to keep the poor, brown residents of sugarland run out of their community, a high schooler in lowes island must walk over 4 miles to get to dominion high school.
fun facts:
there are no islands within lowes island
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there is a compton circle in lowes island
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there is a secret road behind the estates section with steep hills, tight curves, and no cars.
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the people of lowes island call the police every time someone is seen on this secret road.
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the trump national golf course has more children jousting with golf carts than actual golfers.
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man – “where do you live?”
lowes islander “i live in potomac falls”
man – “oh! i like sterling, that’s a nice area”
lowes islander – (annoyed) “nooo, potomac falls”
man – “b-tch, you live in sterling va!” “get over yourself!”
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lowes islander – “donald trump bought our golf course”
sterling-er – “donald trump bought a ferrari, two tins of beluga caviar, and a fuji mountain bike in a sterling shopping center on his way to buy your golf course”
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lowes islander – “i’m so glad i don’t live in herndon where spics buy houses they can’t afford and shoot each other”
man – “wait a second, wasn’t there a gang-related shooting at a foreclosure party in lowes island?”
lowes islander – “fuuuccckkk youuuu!!!”
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lowes islander – “i love this place! i just refinanced my big house, i have nice neighbours, and i leased a brand-new bmw 335i!”
great falls-ian – “i paid cash for a house that could swallow four of your houses and still have room for a garage! my daughter’s jewelry is worth more than your house, your yard doesn’t even have room for a pool! neighbours? i hate my neighbours! that’s why i have gates! don’t start thinking you’re one of us!!!
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