Loyola Academy

loyola academy is a co-educational, jesuit, college preparatory high school located in wilmette illinois. although it is located on the north sh-r- and draws around 50% of its students from suburbs bordering wilmette, the remainder of la students come from all corners of the greater chicago area. its not uncommon to have a kid from barrington and a kid from lincoln park sitting with you in the ‘brary. we ramblers take pride in this wide-spread diversity. loyola does its best to build a school community and have ramblers out in the world, so there is a heavy emphasis on service work living out the school’s motto, ‘leaders in service’ and/or ‘men and women for others’. in fact, over 90% of graduates take part in life! be in it! at least once in their career.

loyola is well known for its strong athletic program. the loyola football team consistently makes it far in the ihsa playoffs, but athletic success is not limited to the gridiron. you’d be hard-pressed to find a year where we didn’t win ccl/gcac in at least 15 sports. other notable teams are the boys and girls lacrosse, hockey and swimming and diving.

the main focus of loyola is to get kids into college, and were d-mn good at it. on an annual basis, 99.9% percent of our graduates attend four-year universities including a substantial number of big ten and a handful of ivy league acceptances. it would be hard to find a rambler who has not taken at least one ap course in their tenure.
certainly the academy has a culture like no other. everybody is related to at least one other person that goes/has gone to the academy. every rambler can say ‘i got two jugs’ without thinking twice about it. it is hard to name all the people who got thrown out in their because there are so many. no one actually knows what a rambler is. avoid suela at all costs. the librarians are glorified babysitters. everybody parks at edens and hopes they don’t get caught.

most students claim to hate loyola academy, but they know that their stay at the academy will be among the best 4 years of their lives.
the best prep school you’ll find in the mid west, home of the ramblers. located in wilmette on the north sh-r-. no matter what those stuck up f-gs say, we are a lot better than new trier. we’re rich, s-xy, good looking, smart, and athletic. oh, and no doubt we are better than your school.
kid #1: where are you going to school next year?

kid #2: new trier

kid#1: what, are you high or something? loyola academy is so much better.

kid #2: …yes. yes i am.
the hottest school ever. we are located on the north sh-r- of chicago and we are most definitely hotter than your school. we have some b-tches but we’re pretty amazing. we have great sports teams and we’re h-lla rich. oh and we’re better than new trier.
“i was going to go to new trier for highschool but then i decided not to be a loser so i went to loyola”

“loyola academy may not be the smartest school but we’re d-mn s-xy”

1. loyola academy is a private, co-educational college preparatory high school located in wilmette, illinois.

2. a place full of catholic kids whose parents know they aren’t smart enough to compete with more driven new trier kids. i mean let’s face it, if your kid is dumb, you have a lot of money, and you want your kid to get into a good college, new trier terrifies you because it is actually pretty merit based success. at loyola academy, do not worry. there’s enough of a nepotistic att-tude for you to get your kid into college–all you gotta do is find a way to fork over tens of thousands of dollars each year. if that doesn’t sway you, feel free to consider the possibility that they will program you to be as much of a closed-minded catholic crony as you are.

they tend to be compet-tive with new trier athletics because “daddy” can pay for hours upon hours of private training with a private instructor.
child: mom! i want to go to new trier!
mom: sorry, sally. i’m sending you to loyola academy because your father can only build a library at boston college, and let’s face it, you nearly failed out of pre-algebra despite the private tutor we got you.
child: private school? does that make me smart?
mom: of course it does… or at least we can pay people enough to tell you that.
a private “jesuit” high school located on the north sh-r- of chicago, though most students typically do not reside there. typically for students who are not smart, wealthy, athletic, or good looking enough to attend the superior new trier high school. students who attend here are constantly outsmarted and kicked out of state championships every year by their more talented rivals. students are required to wear uniforms do to their lack of style and money. the loyola gold hockey team has lost its last six straight championship appearances. the men’s lacrosse team has continually lost the past five years to new trier. and last, it was recently discovered that the school’s former president had an affair with a student. wow, way to keep it cl-ssy. and, what the h-ll is a rambler?
boy: “are you going to loyola academy or new trier next year?”
boy 2: “new trier, but my twin brother has to go to loyola because he failed the entry exam, has been cut from all sports since the age of five, and looks like a troll. i think he will have some luck there.”
a private high school in the northern chicago suburbs that’s absolutely obsessed with itself. supposedly catholic but mostly just full of rich kids whose parents didn’t want them to go to lake forest or taft or other bullsh-t public schools. see also p-ss-fy cause that’s what it does to guys
at least it’s not new “too good for our own good” trier!