man flu

the condition shared by all males wherein a common illness (usually a mild cold) is presented by the patient as life-threatening.

this is also known as ‘fishing for sympathy’ or ‘chronic exaggeration’.

when the patient is your boyfriend, he will exhibit the standard symptoms (such as an overwhelming desire for comp-ssion) while simultaneously rejecting any and all efforts you make to placate him.
you: awww, you poor fella.
him: i’m dying!
you: (soothingly) oh, you’re not dying cy.
him: (indignant) i am! i have man flu!
you: do you need some sympathy?
him: yes! but no one understands my pain…
you: i understa-
him: no you do not!!!
a rare strain of flu so powerful and so deadly it can only be matched by the bubonic plague and aids. a incurable virus which has adapted to only effect the “xy” gene found in men. the virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the average flu virus, causing excruciating pain for the victim. man flu has no cure and prayers can save the forsaken life of the infected. the often deadly virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly cannot contract “man flu”
woman: is he ok?
doctor: i’m afraid not, i’m sad to say he has man flu
the one week out of the year when a man has a cold, and doesn’t feel good, and excercises his right to complain and whine- contrary to every f-cking day of a woman’s life when we have to hear you complain.

the man flu is usually accompanied by a lack of sympathy from females, which further advances the adverse symptoms of the man flu.
gf: ugh, bf is so annoying and whiny, all he has is a cold.
bff: oh, yeah, the man flu.
bf: god forbid you take care of me for one day and not complain.
1. man-flu is more painful than childbirth. this is an irrefutable scientific fact-.
-(survey of over 100,000 men)
2. man-flu is not ‘just a cold’. it is a condition so severe that the germs from a single man-flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest.
3. women do not contract man-flu. they suffer from what is medically recognised as a ‘mild girly sniffle’ – which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.
4. men do not ‘moan’ when they have man-flu. they emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.
5. more men die each year from mfn (man-flu neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).
6. men suffering from man-flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. in this sense, they are the greatest heroes ever known.
7. man-flu germs are more powerful than superman and the a-team combined. they are too strong for weak, nasty tasting ‘lady medicines’ like lemsip, so don’t bother trying to force them on a victim of man-flu.
8. while it may seem like a man-flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying ‘diagnosis murder’ it’s a recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of d-ck van dyk-‘s voice has remarkable soothing powers.
male1: i think i have man-flu?!

male2: omg, do we have time to call an ambulance? i’m so sorry, you will be missed!
term spoken by women, about men exaggerating the severity of a cold
man: i’m not feeling very well

woman: oh, you’ve got man flu
a bad or heavy cold that males interpret as being the flu. the real flu would knock them off their feet.
“has jim taken another day off? bl–dy h-ll, i bet he’s duffering from manflu.”
when a man suffers from a minor illness, typically a cold, but complains of severe symptoms, such as severe pain and nausea, they are said to be suffereing from man-flu. the female perspective is typically that the afflicted man is suffering from attention-seeking behaviour, or that men have a lower pain threshold because they aren’t designed to give birth. the male perspective is that actually it does hurt, and i will have another cup of hot chocolate thank-you.
woman: “jack’s been off work for 3 days with what he reckons is that h5n1 killer flu, but i had it last week and it’s was only a cold, so i think he’s just got man-flu.”