manicorn

a mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his p-ssion and can pay his electric bills/rent), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic), adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal).
see any john cusack film (or chuck klosterman’s witty commentary on fake love in s-x, drugs and cocoa pops), any romantic comedy where the flawed guy comes through in the end…

“where is my manicorn? i keep going out with all these losers!”

“too bad i settled when i got married, i just met my manicorn.”
the elusive perfect male. he can be found at bars, but not singing karaoke drunk while making out with your best friend. he is sensitive to your needs and is a caring man who will put your needs first. he will talk about feelings with you and will never cheat on you ever.
sean is my manicorn, he is sensitive and caring, he makes me dinner and then we talk about our feelings while watching a romantic comedy and crying at the really happy or sad parts.
a s-xually inaccessible male. some manicorns flaunt themselves in front of you and brag about how they’re not getting any even though you’ve offered so many times they always have an excuse why it’s not a good time.
that td is such a manicorn. he always talks about not getting laid but if you offer he makes up a reason why it’s not a good time.
a mythical human male with the largest, most beautiful c-ck in the world. very shy.
i was hoping to meet a manicorn at the bar last night, but all i got was a li’l naner.
a manicorn is like a black hole of hate. the dirty rotten moist hole of 5 dollar wh-r-s in nevada. that sort of hole. a manicorn is a man so filled with this unholy of holy hate that through out his early stages in life as a man very much so similar to the pupae stage in most insects this hate festers. then through metamorphisis he emerges from a blanket of distrust and mean mean words one morning. he is then a manicorn!!! this new manicorn looks very much so like an every day normal guy however he has a slight horn on is forehead. it is in this horn that all the hate that was collected by that filthy hole are brought together. it is here in this horn … that hate lazers exist. beware of the manicorn!!!
sarah: omg hey william hows your day going? it seems you just evolved into a manicorn! cool!”

william: f-cking bl–dy p-ssy fart dieeeee!!!! -emits hate lazer and blows poor sarah’s head off-
a mythic male. his words are supportive, but not intrusive. he “knows” and “understands” what women want and need. his farts smell of scented flowers. he was created by the female ethos to counteract men being men. …he is the wussies man alive.

woman: i had a hard day at work. no one understands me or appreciates me. i feel as if no one cares.

regular dude: that’s because no one does care, and you don’t do anything all day. get over yourself and stop being so f-cking dramatic.

manicorn: (pulls up on his pink chariot made of eco-friendly materials pulled by unicorns) that was insensitive to her needs. you should reconsider and learn to tuck your b-lls back.

regular dude: (pulls out gun and shoots the manicorn in the face) that’ll learn you. bro’s before hoes! man law!!!1one!!!!

female: but…. he was the mainacorn… now he’s dead.

regular dude: yep. b-st-rd didn’t even ask me how my day was.
a half-man, half-beast creature, with an unholy horn on his head. on 420, todd discovers that its just a gay biker named carl.
the manicorn only shows up in the most holy turnip patch on 420.