a recently discovered mental disorder with no known cure. patients have been shown to demonstrate unusual behaviors such has:
1. getting stuck in somewhere you shouldn’t get stuck in (like mars, a planet in another universe or n*z* territory)
2. make others risk their lives to save you
3. tricking others to risk their lives to save you
4. tendency to beat others to death with peculiar objects (eg. magazines)
5. having unusually high levels of intelligence
6. have an unusual tendency to kill n*z*s
7. being exceptionally stubborn
8. fighting against authoritarian governments
9. planning elaborate heists
10. only being able to say your own name
researchers have not agreed on a single explanation to how it spreads or what causes it, but they have identified several key symptoms. the first patient to be diagnosed with this disorder is matt damon.
you may be have matt damon syndrome if you:
1. lost all your brothers
2. survived *ss*ssination attempt
3. are an astronaut
4. your wife is dead
5. are a horse
6. are a cowboy
7. look like matt damon
if know someone who displays the above symptoms, call a psychiatrist immediately.
this message has been brought to you by the world national matt damon syndrome awareness medical funding organization. donations in cash, check, pay pal, credit card, wire or s*xual favors accepted.
matt’s agent: recently, matt’s been acting strangely. after his wife was killed by the government, he robbed a casino by pretending he was a janitor. he then used the money to buy a sp*ceship with a wisecracking robot to fly to mars. then he started beating martian n*z*s to death with a magazine shouting “matt damon!” we had to send tom hanks to save him, but he only agreed to come home on the condition tom would dress up as a cowboy and rode him back to the sp*ceship. but the airlock exploded and he now has amnesia. by the way, you look like robin williams.”
matt’s shrink: “thanks. well, it seems that matt suffers from a serious case of “matt damon syndrome”. ”
matt’s agent: ” oh my god! come to think of it, he does look kind of like matt damon! i wouldn’t have known if the wnmdsamfo didn’t tell me about it!”
matt damon: “hi. i’m matt damon. you might think matt damon syndrome is a ridiculous disorder. however,it is, unfortunately, a very real disease and over 6 billion children are suffering from it. since matt damon was diagnosed with this disease in 1679, the wnmdsamfo was founded in 1682 by matt damon, aiming to raise awareness and reduce the suffering of those diagnosed with the disorder. if you want to make a difference for those with the disorder, donate to us now. your philanthropy will be much appreciated by those with the disease. that’s 7 billion children. so donate now. this is matt damon, over and out.”
this message has been brought to you by the wnmdsamfo.
stands for “close your f*ck*ng p*ssy”. used in a non sl*tty situation mostly. legs aren’t spread all the way open, just a little open and supposed to be used for humor only haley : *posts a cute beach bikini pic on instagram* grace: haley cyfp!!!
the technical name for when a woman starts her period without knowing and has to run at a toilet really fast. jenny, amanda and jenny’s boyfriend aaron are at the club. jenny:*runs to bathroom like she’s legit compet*tion for usain bolt* amanda: where’s jenny off to in such a hurry? aaron: sh*t, i think she’s […]
- sh*t risk
the likelihood that the receiving partner in *n*l s*x will defecate onto the penetrating partner. “i don’t know dude, she had taco bell, the sh*t risk is pretty high.”
- wank camel
when you go a long time without having a flog just like a camel would go without water. person 1: “i haven’t m*st*rb*t*d in ages.” person 2: “whoa dude, you’re such a w*nk camel.”