Search

besides jerry springer maury hosts the best talk show. the funniest topic is the paternity tests because whenever the test comes negative there’s always drama. other topics are fat babies, cheating husbands, man or woman?, etc.
taniqua: quatarius i know you the daddy. i only slept wit u and no one else.
quatarius: -itch please, you’s a sk-nk ho. always been partyin’ & bein wit dem dudes.
maury: taniqua, are you sure quatarius is the father?
taniqua: maury, i’m 150% positive he’s iesha’s daddy. he gots the eyes, the chin, the earlobe…
maury: when it comes to little iesha, quatarius, you are not the father!
audience: ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
quatarius: what now?! i told you! i told you! yeah!
-~taniqua runs backstage sobbing, maury follows, quatarius jumps for joy~-
maury: it’s okay. you’re now one step closer to finding the father. who’s next on your list.
taniqua: well (sniff) quatarius was #62. kareem has to be the daddy!
host of the “maury” daytime talk show series. show usually contains corny subjects such as:

1. “i have slept with 63 men, and i need to tell my husband!”
2. “beaten, shot, raped, and burned. and i’m alive to tell!”
3. “i don’t think my son is my husband’s.”
4. “man or woman”
5. “my baby is 235 pounds, and i need help!”

notorious for it’s large african-american viewership, and it’s notoriously low ratings, maury has been the b-tt of jokes since it’s inception.

maury povich is married to embar-ssment-of-a-journalist connie chung and is usually busy putting up with her.
man, did you see maury povich today? shanequa brought on her 54th man to be tested! yeah, she’s a ho.
host to one of the most nauseating talk shows exibiting people of the lowest moral fiber trying to gain sympathy for either

1.being a complete wh-r- and not knowing which of the 10 guys she has slept with is the baby’s daddy. even though it has been 6 different episodes. boo hoo! just can’t seem to keep my legs closed. already have 5 kids and i don’t know who they daddies are either!

2.failing to understand that their partner is a wh-r- and will always fail the lie detector test because they will cheat over and over again. even though this time it’s fr rrreal! jus cuz he beat me don mean he don love me!!

3.try to figure out who the f-ck is a man or a woman by holding a contest ( just a ruse to get hit on by transvest-tes)!

4.having a panel of pre-teens proudly displaying themselves claiming that their v-g-n- is already worn and they is only 12 years old. they smoke weed and drink hennessy and they even got paid two hundred dollas one time for giving a man a lap dance, and he was all of thirty years old. it don’t matter, you don’t know me, i do what i want!

5.wasting that whole hour recapping past episodes because the producers have nothing new to offer, they’ve done it all.

7.when all is said and done, you can always turn it on to make yourself feel better because you know that unless you are some in-bred ghetto -ssed crack smoking ignorant wh-r-, you cannot possibly be off any worse than his guests. thank god!!
i wuz wachn maury povich las yesterday, n he had on that b-tch felicha,you know. that ho who wuz tryin to all up on ray ray’s grill this pas sat-rday night at jonelle’s sister’s cousin’s crib. that b-tch was all tryin to be all shady n sh-t sayin that he was th baby’s daddy after she done went on his show five times already tryin to p-ss it off on eight other dudes! she crazy if she don think i is gonnna sit herr n not clock a b-tch upside her head! she don no! b-tch don no me, i do what i want! i do what i want!
a s-xist who hosts a talk show and only takes the sides of women on his fake talk show.
maury povich

maury: this is cindy. she has throat and breast cancer.
audience: awwwwwwww….
maury: cindy suspects that her husband mark is cheating on her because she found scratches on his back
audience: ooo..
maury: so what did he say when you found the scratches?
cindy: the dog went crazy! maury (yelling at the screen) i know mark is cheating and when the lie detector proves that he’s cheating he’s gonna get all his stuff out my house!!!
audience: hahaha…yeah (audience claps).
maury: allright here’s mark. come on out.
audience: boooooo!
cindy: mark! i know you’re cheating!
maury: so mark the dog did give you the marks on your back?
mark: yes is was the dog. cindy needs to stop all these accusations.
cindy: i got proof mark we is gonna see stupid.
maury: mark we gave you a lie detector test. here are the results…mark we asked if you cheated while your wife was at work you said no and the lie detector test said that was a lie in fact it said you cheated with more than 50 women.
audience:booooooo
cindy: more than 50 women? i trusted you mark. you are out the door!
mark: that test is wrong. it’s wrong.
maury: ralph is it true that he has cheated?
ralph: yes (eating hotdog) he (chewing) has cheated with more than 50 women. ahh too much mustard.
maury: o.k. thank you. go finish your hotdog. we’ll be right back.
don’t seem right:

in the beginning it says that cindy has throat cancer. so how is she yelling at the screen?

in the middle of the story cindy talks about how she knows that mark is cheating (how she knows that mark is cheating). so why is cindy on the maury show if she knows that mark is cheating?

how can a lie detector determine the number of women mark has slept with? a lie detector test detects lies. unless the maury show has a state-of-the-art brand new lie detector test.
a show where white women go to find out who the father is of their mulatto child. sometimes numerous guys are tested. most of the time, the guy is not the father. if the guy is the father, the guy and viewers seem to forget that the women is still a wh-r- for being capable for sleeping with over 15 guys in a period of 1 month.
oh yes.. sometimes other topics are talked about.. but most of the time, paternity tests are needed for the sad growing population of mulatto american children.
goes to show how corrupt american can be.. fo sho!
emily went on maury povich to get jamel and sha’ron tested.. big surprise when it came back either one was the father.. i told that b-tch, demar, jordan, de’jon or tyson might be the father. might…
when two males engage in s-xual activity with a female, and they both bust nuts inside of her. then when the sl-t err … female, realizes she’s pregnant she won’t know who the baby daddy is.
man, me and my boy maury poviched that hoe, and now she don’t know which one of us is the baby’s daddy
a guy who is so hardcore feminist it’s to the point of being almost nauseating. his favorite theme is the paternity test, and he always coddles the girls and is mean to the men, even the men that are the right (yes, it does happen).
maury povich is almost out of tampons.

←