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common h-m-s-xual male usage of “gender bending,” miss thing can be used both negatively and positively. miss thing can be used by gay men to denote someone who (often wihout merit) thinks that they are above every one else, or can be used almost as a h-m-s-xual equivalent to “homie”
1. “oh miss thing, don’t you even go there with me… you are not wearing the same thing as i am… ”

2. “haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay miss thing!”`
a sarcastic term for haughty, puffed-up women (especially women of color) who think that they are really something when, in fact, they are not.

detroit councilwoman monica conyers, of youtube fame, is their 2008 national poster child.

quintessential traits:

1. regardless of economic status, miss thing possesses an obnoxious personality (she is loud and rude). pride blinds her from seeing how repugnant she is to the rest of society.

2. she often experiences an inner conflict when complying with people in authority (especially men), or obeying laws that she considers “wrong.” complying with societal norms can also rub her the wrong way.

3. miss thing demands respect (while simultaneously treating people disrespectfully).

4. she lives life with a chip on her shoulder and, like radical muslims, makes a freewill choice to be offended about practically everything. (if, however, she did her miss thing routine in the magic kingdom she would be made to wear a pup tent, and then given a muslim haircut the following friday).

5. those who engage miss thing in discussions/debates quickly discover that she gives no deference to logic or the actual facts–she just wants to win. rather than be pinned down with the truth (and concede a point), she constantly changes the subject, resorts to personal attacks, or proffers conspiracy theories with no supporting evidence.

6. miss thing wants things her way. as such, she often uses illegitimate means such as manipulation, intimidation and/or domination to achieve her goals. she is not to be confused with the concept of a “strong woman”–strong women are not automatically unpleasant (e.g. lady margaret thatcher) but miss thing is.

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like other aberrant personalities in american society, miss thing comes in two basic forms: rich and poor.

“poor miss thing” has grand dreams of getting rich by winning the lottery, or catching herself a wealthy man via overt s-x acts. though she may not have enough money to pay her bills, she amazingly finds the cash to get her nails done and buy cigarettes and/or wine coolers. she is sometimes known by other names such as: “trailer trash”, “puta”, “ho” or “loud-mouthed sk-nk.”

since the ideas of initiative and diligent work are anathema to her, poor miss thing often develops hatred for those people better off than she. ironically, these are the same people whose taxes pay for her food stamps and/or welfare and/or rental -ssistance and/or day care and/or job training and/or educational -ssistance and/or fema debit card and/or earned income credit, etc.

one of her dreams is to appear as a guest on “the jerry springer show” and take on the whole audience in a shouting match. depending on her race, her idols may include: omarosa stallworth, roseanne barr, communist agitator dolores huerta, and any sk-nk that has had 20 or more unsuccessful paternity tests conducted on “maury.”

“rich miss thing” is better groomed than her poor counterpart, and often wears overpriced clothing to prove it. she likes to show off her nice car, jewelry and other material prosperity in the hope that it will force people to respect her. respect, of course, is earned but rich miss thing thinks she is owed it for merely being rich and/or a minority and/or a woman, and having overcome obstacles to success in our current day “racist, s-xist america.”

while poor miss thing is highly pretentious, rich miss thing’s level is off the chart. if she possesses a college degree or, (g-d help us) and advanced degree, the pretension exhibited increases exponentially.

using the late congresswoman barbara jordan as a model, she often speaks as grand and lofty as possible in an effort to patronize those listening. rich miss thing may pr-nounce aunt as “ont” or refer to black debutantes as “nuuuuubian princesses.” it’s all very contrived.

one of rich miss thing’s dreams is to achieve high political office. once elected, the sp-ce between her and a tv camera is a very dangerous place for pedestrians and small children.

depending on her race, her idols may include: former congresswoman cynthia mc kinney (d-ga.), the late femin-z- leader eleanor smeal, the late author valerie solanas, and (secretly) any sk-nk that has had 20 or more unsuccessful paternity tests conducted on “maury.”

rich miss thing often has a knee-jerk reaction to people of differing races and, if black, plays the race card with abandon. she is an enemy of peace and reconciliation because she finds it needful to continually pick at the scabs of past historical wounds. in addition, she rejoices when normal, well-adjusted female students have their minds polluted with hatred thinly disguised as: “women’s studies”, “hispanic/chicano or latino studies”, “african-american or black studies”, and “feminist/lesbian studies.”

miss thing points out that “hate has to be taught” when bashing white racist groups. that’s true. ironically though, when she teaches hate, she feels justified because she is merely “righting” the wrongs of the past, or because america supposedly “owes” her. (it doesn’t).

these are both bogus excuses for stirring up strife and division, and it just goes to show that some people have way too much time on their hands. stop trying to impress us miss thing, because actions speak louder than words.

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miss thing quiz 2009

please (truthfully) answer true or false to each question:

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section 1

1. if given a choice, you would prefer to be the center of attention.

2. there is little, or no, advice that anyone can give you about how to run your own life.

3. at least once every two weeks you tell someone “i’ve got it going on.”

4. when something has gone wrong at work, or at home, it is always someone else’s fault.

5. you are pretty convinced that you know how to do your boss’s job better than he does.

6. you’ve told co-workers and/or your boss that you could do his job better than he can.

7. over a three month period you make nine big mistakes and your boss makes one. it is not fair for him to rate your performance negatively since he made a mistake too.

8. being contentious is a sign of strength.

9. your current male supervisor (for reasons you do not understand) reacts to you just like most/all of your past male supervisors.

(if you answered “true” to #9, please answer #9a).
9a. it must be s-xism and/or racism.

10. america hasn’t changed much since 1950.

score 1 point for each answer to which you responded “true.”

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section 2

11. many people have heard you say something similar to: “i’m not going to take nothing off of n-body.”

12. when you initially don’t get your way, you are willing to cause a loud scene in public as a means of getting what you want (manipulation).

13. your teenage children have told you that you embarr-ss them in public.

14. behind your back, your co-workers or neighbors or family call you “miss thing”, “boomsheeka” or “that loud-mouthed biotch.”

15. you consider criticism of a female politician’s actual voting record as s-xism.

16. you consider criticism of a minority politician’s actual voting record as racism.

17. you consider criticism of a minority clergyman’s sermons as racism.

18. shows like “cops”, “america’s most wanted”, and your local news are racist for showing pictures, or giving descriptions, of criminals.

19. the main purpose of government is to “level the playing field” for poor people, women, and minorities through any of the following means: legislation, disproportionate taxation, wealth redistribution or judicial fiat.

20. even though corporations p-ss along all their tax burdens (and all tax increases) to consumers, corporations still do not pay their fair share of taxes.

score 2 points for each answer to which you responded “true.”

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section 8 :p

21. you’re a lesbian.

22. you’re not a lesbian, but you have close friends who are.

23. your chronic, simmering anger shows that you really care about important issues.

24. when you see a man whose -ss you could kick, you mention that to other females as a sign of strength.

25. the government invented crack cocaine, and the cia distributed it in poor neighborhoods to commit genocide against people of color.

26. rich people do not pay their fair share of taxes.

27. the government invented aids, and the cia released it in poor neighborhoods to commit genocide against people of color.

28. poor people pay more than their fair share of taxes.

29. basically men (especially white men and joooooos!) secretly conspire to deny opportunities to women and minorities.

30. during most all verbal exchanges, you eventually ask: “you think you’re better than me don’t you?”

score 3 points for each answer to which you responded “true.”

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0 well done! you are a worthy role model for all women. please seek out positions of power in government, industry, academia and media, and work for the rule of law, individual rights, entrepreneurial growth and less intrusive government. whenever possible, p-ss on your pearls of wisdom to help younger women achieve your unpretentious lifestyle.

1-5 not too bad, but you need a slight att-tude adjustment. obviously your knowledge of western civilization, american history, and business etiquette has been lacking or one-sided. discovering the whole truth for yourself will help dispel erroneous thought processes that hinder you from thinking logically. life is what you choose to make of it, so choose wisely.

6-10 you have drunk a little too much kool-aid. remember that pride comes before a fall, so learn some humility. don’t gauge your self-worth on what you have achieved, or (so far) have failed to achieve. living in america is a blessing. maya angelou is not really as insightful as you think she is.

11-15 you have developed into a caricature. the way you choose to act rubs people the wrong way, but they try to take it in stride. your negative att-tude has caused nice, decent men to avoid you, but you’re still hopeful about a romantic future. keep in mind that it is always ok to be heteros-xual.

16-20 you have moved from caricature to clown. people regularly talk trash about you and, if you’re employed, complain to your supervisor about your unprofessional behavior when dealing with clients/customers or co-workers. invitations to social events and family get-togethers have tapered off. you attribute these reactions to envy or jealousy.

21-25 being around you is a real pain in the b-tt. you’re co-workers lie awake at night wishing that you would get fired, get transferred, quit, move away, or die. you attribute their reactions to envy and jealousy. in the mean time you research eeoc guidelines to see if receiving a bad performance review is grounds for a s-xual har-ssment lawsuit.

26-61 you’re an embarr-ssment to your family and everyone who knows you. people avoid you like a leper with aids. your children are beginning to wish that you were not their mother. as far as you’re concerned, you are normal and everyone else is screwed up.
someone who demands respect & has a s-ssy, sp-nky att-tude.
in my funeral, the song playing would be cher – do you believe in life after love, followed by dancers and trumpets who will side kick march to frank sinatra – i did it my way, till the dirt hits my coffin.

you have grand ideas miss thing!

someone who is lively bold and full of spirit!
courageous and determined: “a sp-nky performance”
to admire someone deeply for their att-tude, whether you agree with it or not
to be creative and unusual