Missouri Cannonball
materials needed:
funnel, balloon, mixing bowl, wooden spoon
preparation:
pinch a glorious loaf in a gl-ss mixing bowl of your choice. add urine, then use a wooden spoon to work it into a soupy solution. inflate the balloon by mouth, then insert the funnel into the opening of the balloon and pour the solution in while trying to keep as much air contained as possible. to maximize efficiency, the truly daring may choose to blow extra air into the balloon after the fecal matter has neen added. tie the balloon (or “cannonball,” if you will), then hide it where you will be engaging in s-xual intercourse with your significant other.
execution:
while boofing your partner from behind, discretely retrieve the cannonball from its hiding spot. arm yourself by holding the balloon high above your head with two hands. suddenly, pull out without saying a word. when your partner turns around, unleash your battle cry: “yahtzee!” quickly hurl the cannonball at their face, popping the balloon, releasing the soupy fecal matter, and thus concluding your relationship.
brad: “hey jack, what happened to you and steph? i heard you two broke up.”
jack: “well, she was p-ssing me off so i decided to hit her with the good ol’ missouri cannonball.”
brad: “hoez will be hoez.”
jack: “real talk” -high five-
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