Search

ahh, modesto, california. no one’s heard of this town, but 200,000 people call it home. it’s the central valley, so it’s not exactly what you’d see on the oc. no beaches, just miles and miles of farmland mixed with suburban h-ll and urban sprawl. that’s not to say we don’t have bragging rights. we’ve got just about everything you need to live: taco trucks, generally hot women (more prevalent in east modesto, however), lots of fastfood, bad air pollution… well you get the idea. we’ve got a music scene, and there are some pretty good local bands and venues. our downtown comes alive at night, and it’s somewhat of a haven for nightlife (and cops). we’ve got the stoners, emo children, thugs, indie kids, jocks, and preps. del rio is where the rich kids live. and you always seem to have at least one friend who lives on a ranch in the boonies, which results in random bonfires where teens go to consume lots of keystone while huddling around a fire. too bad the cops here love to go on the party patrol, which makes for hectic weekends and plenty of stories about run-ins with the local 5-0. 99 runs through the heart of modesto. further to the east, mchenry avenue separates east modesto from west. east modesto is where all the new housing developments are. they’re served by beyer, enochs, and johansen high schools. there is also modesto, davis, and downey high schools. if you are bored, go downtown and watch a movie at brenden theatres. it’s more or less the default thing to do on a sat-rday night if you are bored, or if you are a pre-teen. too bad brenden is plagued with emos and thugs. if you’re a reasonably popular teenager, the norm is to go to a high school party, loaded with plenty of valley girls, sometimes resulting in promiscuity or shameful hookups. mjc, our local community college, boasts admirable transfer rates, but it often becomes a h-llhole for the lazy. cruising is an important coming-of-age activity in modesto, yet the cops here love to bust people for anything, even setting up roadblocks and sobriety checkpoints occasionally.
average day/night in modesto for a teenager:

you ditch school with your friends, and to no avail, you find out there is absolutely nothing to do, which is often the case here in the valley. so you go to your friend’s house to play some xbox, and ravenge his fridge for free food. you love mooching, and so does everyone else around here. then, you stop by another friend’s house, who happens to be h-lla rich, and has a m-ssive swimming pool in his backyard, and a tennis court to boot. for lunch, you and your friends decide to get burrito supremes from the local taco trucks on 8th street. by the time school is supposed to be over, you and your friends are chillaxing in the parking lot of your school, and meet up with some hot chicks. you go to the local vintage faire mall but don’t buy anything because you’re broke as h-ll. later on that night, you meet up with some party people in the parking lot of o’brien’s. from there, you decide what to do: house party in the dutch hollow! there, you mingle with people from different schools and smoke a bong in the backyard while downing a few keystones. of course, your designated driver also decides to toke a few with you. by the time you’ve been to 5 parties all over modesto, it’s 1 am. you are shaken, because 2 out of those 5 parties were shut down by the cops, and you had to escape over the backyard fence while severely intoxicated. at this point, you black out with your shoes on. when you wake up, the smell of puke lingers and you have a huge hangover. your friend tells you that you hooked up with that average-looking chick from davis. regardless, she was a “1” on the binary scale. even more alarming, you apparently attempted to pull a motorboat on a chick but you were slapped as a result, and got you and your friends kicked out. you also unknowlingly took a pill of ecstasy and vicodin while you were wasted and you are glad that you aren’t dead. you go back home but your conservative–ss parents don’t suspect a thing, because you told them that you spent the night at your friend’s house to play videogames. at this point, you simply go upstairs and fall promptly asleep, glad that you live in the wonderful city known as modesto.

fact #1: modesto is a microcosm for all the evils of a typical teen-age surburban society.

fact #2: modesto is within 2 hours driving time of many favorable locations.

fact #3: we love modesto, and we love to party.

outsider: dude, you are sooo modesto! all you do is party but you have honors cl-sses and still get good grades!
modestan: true, true.
a city in northern california; aka as motown or the mo population estimated of 200,000+ one of the best places to live if your chill, outgoing, down & just like to kick back. n-body will judge you as long as you keep it real & mind your own business. the area code is 209 & the city is mainly over runned by nortenos & street gangs that you would rather avoid unless you want problems. you’ll find any type of drug you want. downtown- comes alive at night, they have brenden theatre, studio 47, hsn, bars, clubs, restaurants & h-lla taco trucks. westside- (wsm) the ghetto, where most black population live, liquor stores, shootings, hobos but alot of the gangster kickbacks, the place to get that sticky green & chill if you like to drink up. eastside- (esm) where most of the rich whites & asians stay at. northside- (nsm) aka the nasty north. has the known village to gangsters & also the descent side, has the mall, the runs, always layed back alot of house partys. southside- (dssm) aka deep, where most latino population stay at, alot of crackheads, they got the fleamarket, taco trucks & h-lla bomb mexican restaurants. salida- aka the cuts, part of northside, nothing goes on but its a nice, quite place to live. modesto 209
example one- let’s h-t the runs in northside, pick up some brew at westside market, swoop my boy in eastside, go grub in deep & get some b-tches downtown n-gg-.

example two: omg look at all those gangsters kicking it at the park. oh here comes a chola wearing sweats, hair up & walking fast, she’s about to fight! that’s how females do in the 209. talk sh-t get hit.

example three: d-mn that guy must be from the east because he’s fine as f-ck/ d-mn that girl has to be from northside because she h-lla fine.

example four: ay homie, you hear about the fight? that white guy got his sh-t split for dissing modesto. that’s right! because that’s how we get down in the mo.
a city in the central valley of california. specifically, nor cal. not the best to live, but definitely not the worst place to live either. the houses are too expensive, and the air pollution ranks among the worst in the nation. the population is generally diverse in this city of 200,000. gained notoriety from the laci peterson case that occurred here. also within the district of gary condit. hometown of the famous director george lucas. has a decent nightlife scene in downtown. the local music scene is also very much alive. the word h-lla is used here often. modesto is close to many popular destinations.
modesto is h-lla better than fresno.
norcal city, which is #1 in meth production, #1 in car theft, and #1 in fastest growing gang population. famous for the laci peterson trial, gary condit trial, chandra levee trial, and other trials involving cheating and/or murdering women. it is bleeding with mexicans and crack heads and p-ssy imitation gangs. if you ever wind up here for g-d knows why, be prepared to smoke a lot of weed and search for your car once it’s stolen. other than that you will want to leave methdesto once you get here because there is nothing to do. also ask about the one-legged hooker.
“gosh, timmy, i could really go for some crack right now.”

“the streets of modesto are littered with crack! we will surely find some there.”
mostly not fresno.
thankfully, modesto is not fresno.
a so-called “city” in the central valley of california. known for wine, homelessness, drugs, stuck up b-tchy women, the word “h-lla”, murder, car theft, polution, more polution, low iq levels, heat, drugs, drugs, drugs, and famous people that dont like talking about being from there do to the embarr-ssment. oh! did i mention that modesto has the highest teen pregnancy level in the world?
and did i mention that satan is the mayor of that city?
im not proud to be native to modesto
guy 1 hey where are you from?

me a freakin cr-p hole called modesto

guy 1 wow i never heard of that place before

me there is a good reason for that

guy 1 and whats that?

me just go to definithing.com and type in modesto and you will see what i mean
the raddest place on earth to:

– party
– get laid
– find some drugs.
– be with family
“lets go to modesto,to have some fun”