Newell, WV
a four-street sh-thole in the northern panhandle of west virginia. founded in 1905 when a man named newell gave up his last hope of finding anywhere decent to live and settled down with a one-eyed, toothless, backwoods woman and produced newell’s first official r-t-rd. newell’s two claims to fame are its large population of mullet-wearin’, wall-eyed, gun-totin’, tobacky-chewin’ illiterates; and the presence of mountaineer, a gaming resort filled with coffin dodgers and welfare cases spending their gubment checks and sh-tting themselves because they don’t want to leave the nickel slot machines. outsiders often hear the sound of “dueling banjoes” in their heads when driving through it.
outsider: what the f-ck is that? banjo music?
newellite 1: what’s he sayin’, cletus?
newellite 2: cecil, you know i don’t know forrin’.
(newell, wv)
a four-street sh-thole in the northern panhandle of west virginia. founded in 1905 when a man named newell gave up his last hope of finding anywhere decent to live and settled down with a one-eyed, toothless, backwoods woman and produced newell’s first official r-t-rd. newell’s two claims to fame are its large population of mullet-wearin’, wall-eyed, gun-totin’, tobacky-chewin’ illiterates; and the presence of mountaineer, a gaming resort filled with coffin dodgers and welfare cases spending their gubment checks and sh-tting themselves because they don’t want to leave the nickel slot machines. outsiders often hear the sound of “dueling banjoes” in their heads when driving through it.
outsider: what the f-ck is that? banjo music?
newellite 1: what’s he sayin’, cletus?
newellite 2: cecil, you know i don’t know forrin’.
(newell, wv)
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