newt gingrich

former speaker of the house 1995-1999. will forever be remembered for his extreme lack of ethics, hypocrisy, and the time he shut the government down.
remember in the 1995 when newt tried to eliminate the american dream in his radical budget? remember when he shut down the government? remember when he had the pay three hundred thousand dollars for ethics violations? remember when he borrowed money from bob dole? remember when he hammered bill clinton but we found out he had been having an affair when his wife was in the hospital for multiple sclereosis? yeah i remember mr. family values! g-d i hope he runs for president in 08 just to see him gat has fat -ss raped!
a fart made by someone in an otherwise empty elevator that lingers after people get on. named in honor of newt gingrich who always seems to linger where he is not wanted.
yeah man, sorry that was my newt gingrich…i didn’t think anyone else was getting on…d-mn thats embarr-ssing!
an alcoholic beverage, much like a white russian or caucasian (made popular in the movie “the big lebowski”), composed of similar ingredients: vodka, coffee liqueur, and a creamy substance. in the case of the newt gingrich in particular, s-m-n is used as the creamy substance, preferably your own or that of a young boy/political intern.
bill clinton: “man, did you hear about newt gingrich the other night? he choked on his own drink!”

hillary clinton: -otherworldly shriek of a guffaw-
a drink made and consumed in some kinky s&m circles. it’s simply a white russian mixed with s-m-n instead of cream. named for rep. gingrich’s penchant for having oral s-x with young campaign interns so he could later claim he “didn’t have s-x” with them.

2 oz. vodka
1 oz. coffee liqueur
1 oz. fresh s-m-n, human or animal

combine ingredients in c-cktail shaker with ice. shake well and strain into chilled gl-ss.
there weren’t enough dudes at the club last night to mix a decent newt gingrich, so we found a cooperative horse and everyone had a couple!