nuke school
so, you’ve failed out of college because you smoked too much pot and had a fondness for xbox and hentai. no matter!!! welcome to nuke school! what did you major in? english, home economics, botany? did you even have a major? well, f-ck it, sign your happy -ss up for the navy and make sure to take that asvab good and hard right in your brain hole because -drumroll- you’re going to south carolina. make sure to say goodbye to everything you ever loved and any semblance of an enjoyable early adulthood. become a p-wn of the united states military/industrial complex as you get sh-tty haircuts, work inhuman hours learning absolutely useless material, and lose your sense of dignity. but watch out, kiddies! everyone is out to get you! stab your “friends” in the back before they rat you out for all that sweet underage drinking you’re going to do. remember, they tell you its all worth it in the end. and sure, it could be, if the job market wasn’t swamped with guys and girls exactly like you with the same qualifications looking for the same job(s). whoops! guess you can just stay in for twenty plus years as you watch your life slip between the deckplates of some submarine.
son to father: dad, i’ve been considering the navy’s nuclear program…
father to son: i’m going to punch you in the face while forcing you to watch every nicolas cage film ever produced but, i’m replacing the soundtracks with atonal, incidental music written by yoko ono.
son to father: dear g-d, father, why!?!
father to son: because this is the equivalent of nuke school.
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