Paristalsis


paristalsis is defined as a potentially life threatening condition whereby excessive consumption of white bread, particularly baguettes, antagonises peristalsis and the normative operation of the lower digestive tract
doctor: your son’s coma was induced by an overconsumption of french bread, which acted as a sort of glutenous cork obstructing the colon, rendering normal peristalsis completely ineffective. this caused a backlog of semi digested food in the stomach and small intestine that exerted a tremendous pressure on little jimmy’s fragile little brain, causing a m-ssive stroke. i’m afraid that we are going to have to surgically remove the obstuction.

concerned parent:oh dear g-d!

doctor: don’t worry, paristalsis is extremely common in france and the procedure is really quite routine.

parent: ah, i see. is that why parisians often seem so braindead?

doctor: actually, yes.

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