Positive Election Disease

a disease that affects a person’s ability to reason. people with this condition suffer from irrational delusions that a candidate in an upcoming election will “change everything”, “keep their promises” and/or “get things done”. other symptoms include, but are not limited to: believing politics is interesting, putting an election b-mper sticker on your otherwise valuable automobile, p-ssing out leaflets and yard signs, and actually reading propaganda mail. outbreaks generally occur in a 4 year pattern coinciding with presidential elections, although extreme cases will lead the victim to feel this way toward all elections down to county level, especially in die-hard partisans. it will affect democrats and republicans differently depending on the candidates and election conditions. positive election disease (ped) gained unprecedented media coverage during barack obama’s 2008 presidential campaign, marking the worst recorded epidemic of ped in america.

facts about ped:

ped feeds on bipartisanship.

lobbyists are naturally resistant to ped.

ped may affect up to 95 percent of partisans during election time, but affects less than a third of all independents.

douchebags are 10 times more likely to get ped.

network news makes it worse.

ped can cause rioting, especially in developing african countries.

ped does affect politicians, but such cases are quickly cured by lobbyists.

during off-years ped survives in san fransisco.
douchebag: “barack obama will bring change to america! he’s going to fix the economy and fix healthcare the right way and he’s going to get democrats and republicans to work together.”

registered independent: “man, you got positive election disease really bad.”