Pumpmuff
each fall, starting around labor day in the u.s. a donut and coffee chain of quick-serve restaurants called dunkin donuts begins offering a seasonally-themed variety of snacks. it’s in this group of new snacks in which the pumpkin m-ffin can be found. this deliciously-flavored treat is topped with brown sugar and melted maple icing, all on top of a pumpkin-flavored piece of valhalla itself.
in the days leading up to the release of the pumpkin m-ffin people begin calling for it… sightings occur and a wave of expectation starts up. and when they arrive in stores, asking for it by name would be amateurish. a true pumpkin m-ffin connoisseur asks for a “pumpm-ff.”
now asking an unsuspecting dunkin cashier for a “pumpm-ff” will get you a look like you’ve just asked to have s-x with them. believe me, you’re not gonna wanna do it with very many dunkin employees. they’re not all that much to look at, sadly, but i’ll take a pumpm-ff from ’em anyday.
(man steps to the counter a dunkin) “h-llo. lay a pumpm-ff on me, will ya babe?”
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